A Ripping Birthday Run
Date: Friday 2nd March 2018
Run Site: Marymount Terrace
On-on: District 20 Hot Melt Cold Brew, Jalan Pemimpin
Hares: Deep Throat & Ripper
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 41 of which Members (14 F & 22 M )
Virgin: ran away
Visitors & Returnees: 5 (3 F, 2 M)
New Member: Pays2Cum
Milestones: 4 attained but still to be awarded
Next Week’s Hares: PoKai Trolley Dolly Kumpuss & Cunni Lick Her
Run Site: Tat Boon Liat Building Car Park
On-On: Sin Hoi Sai Seafood Restaurant, Block 55, Tiong Bahru Rd #01-59
Circle Scribe: Airborne, Photos: Count Dracula
It had to happen one day, with the unpredictability of the inter-monsoon weather, that hashers would arrive at the run site just as a tropical torrent finished washing away the last traces of trail marking.
At 6pm there were no hares and neither paper nor chalk to be seen. Surprise surprise, Puck Smuggler was just (only just!) on time to call “Gather round” … followed shortly after by the GMs. After that, what? From a hurried handphone conversation GM got a hint that the trail went off along Bishan Street 21 and then round to the left-ish. “ON ON!”, he howled and took off where no hasher has ever bin… followed by the other hopefuls and doubters. With no trail and no checks, the FRBs were soon out of sight. Small groups of runners went their own way, the hard cases doing the 10km round MacRitchie and the less energetic the shorter trail. Some of us paused a moment to see how the fish dealt with the Bishan Park stream having turned into a Noah’s Ark flood. The herons were on overtime.
Back at the beer truck, runners were still coming back at 7.45, thus the hares evaded a technical hash shit. So, like the week before, Madam President VB was not in a hurry to form the circle. Much later she remembered it was Ripper’s Birthday.
“What did we think of the run?” Comments were unusually quiet, but, generously, runners decided to award GOOD RUN. Perhaps we should have more DIY trails, with down-down awarded for the most boring route? “Tell us about your on-on?” Experience would determine whether District 20 Hot Melt Cold Brew lived up to its name.
Next Week’s Hares are Pokai, Trolley Dolly & friends, aiming for another start at Tat Boon Liat building, and an on-on not far away in Tiong Bahru Rd.
GMs also reminded members of the EGM, notice has already been given that we need to formally appoint a replacement Hash Cash.
HooRay also had a PSA… Lost & Found, he was looking for someone who might have found the hat he left behind the previous week. If you have it, please return to him.
Guests & Returnees … well, Guests only, this week, Girls: Gemmi, Susan,joined by late arrival Whorebraham Lincoln, Guys: Brad and Penile Extension. “Here’s to visitors, they’re true blue…”
Hare Whip: Deep Throat apologised that her flogging equipment had gone soft due to the damp, and could only manage a solitary and Trump-ed up charge on co-hare Ripper for sending her in the wrong direction. “He ought to be publically…”
First Aid Course: VB reminded us that 24th March is coming up fast, so we are looking for people to live up to their promises and register ASAP.
Ditch was in a big hurry to charge Coo Chi Coo but was sent back twice by the GM for being out of order. Finally it transpired that LCHHH’s resident Priapus was seen doing an up-skirt at Deep Throat’s mini-dress. In vain, it seems, as the lady was protecting her chastity with a pair of passion-killers beneath.
At Mystery Whip time there was the usual pregnant pause whilst GM’s latest victim appeared.PoKai eventually came out with both guns firing at Puck Smuggler for his usual LMCI (ask an SQ girl what that means! -Scribe). At 4.59pm that day, apparently his technique is to wait to the last minute hoping that the victim’s sense of duty will prevail. NextPoKai reminded us that last week’s boat race was won by a foreign team, the best performance being by a girl, Juicy Pussy. PK wanted to re-run the competition eliminating the race factor and setting two locals to prove that gender, not race, was superior. As gladiators she matched Deep Throat against Strapless. Unfortunately the litre steins of last week were not around but they made do with plastic cups. By a short head DT was the winner so PoKai was able to claim her theory proved.
GMs then paused the proceedings to introduce a young American hasher, who was so keen to start here that she couldn’t wait till next week. Unfortunately boss kept her at the office late so she missed the run, but welcome anyway, Whorebraham Lincoln!
GMs then felt the urge coming on for another naming ceremony, seeing Gemmi had joined several runs but was still using her own name. Soliciting suggestions related to previous experiences, how about Weeny Prick?…or Prickcess? …eventually Minnie Prick outshouted the rest so henceforth so be it. Coo Chi Coo felt it was time to introduce an initiation ceremony but was reminded this is a mixed hash and anyway No Good was looking dangerous.
Time forTOTW but where’s the robe of office? Roo Rooter summoned Trolley Dolly, Cherry Picker, & Ditch, all of whom deserved the shirt but no shirt so no award. “He’s really, really dumb, he’s really really dumb…”
Next up is POTW, so come on in Strapless and tell us who’s worthy of receiving the wiggly brown worm? He’s a bit hesitant, what’s the problem? “We all feel nervous with a pr#ck in our hand” “Bullshit, Bullshit…” cries the Circle. Accused #1 is Maskerbator for dereliction of duty, not serving the beer up fast enough. Accused No 2 is Roo Rooter for using inadequately rude language in the circle. Audience participation settles the verdict on Roo Rooter who becomes the custodian for as long as it takes him to find another charlie.
Mystery 2 Whip is Astronut, not long back from a short walk around MacRitchie and we’re looking to him for a seriously entertaining charge. He finds it at the home which he shares with Poser – “ She’s my wife right now, “ he said, “but I’m not sure about tomorrow!” She booked a hotel etc for him, but the booking was for the week after the event. It took 5 days to sort out the re-booking. “B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O…”
Time for some AOB from Strapless who kindly tried to lead lost runners home (Follow me, I’m a local…) but there were some who ignored his calls and just went their own way. AOB from a disappointed Stash who went out on the long run round MacRitchie with a “friend” who took a screen shot of the way round, then went off on his own without a guide. On in Cherry Picker…who says not me but Ayam Zinking!
GMswanted to say thank you to the sponsors of the Chinese New Year run, Awesome Foursome, No Good, Puck Me Lately, Sweet Thighs, & Deep Throat. Ta!
GMs was now on a naming roll, so why not give a name to Guest Brad? Handbag notes the long
hair & beard so has a messaianic suggestion. That and “Eager for his Beaver” go by on the wind but Brad S#t takes the day on the LCHHH howl-ometer.
Final AOB and about time too, GMs awards Ripper a happy Birthday D-D after which it’s on-on-on…
DYI run, but here was the intended run, up to where the message came:
"We are stuck!!!".