Then its the Germans’ turn on an obscure charge, but when one German drinks, all Germans drink, and Eskimo lets us know they pound it – “They’re the meanest...”
And now… it’s a boat race? in Pokai, Bibrator and Juicy Pussy v Sperm Off Ice, Ayam Zinking and Strapless, and its Juicy Pussy who puts them all to shame and downs an enormous stein, “ “She’s all right...”
Not done yet, Lucifer jabs his trident at Procastinators. “I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure…” Foetus, for joining the Procastinating Society, but they haven’t met yet???
And finally, VB takes back control, but not having had enough, brings TD back in, and Stick Her Shock and Suzee Wong. Earlier today, Suzee Wong had shared a Japanese video about breast sizes - A = 2 birds, B=2 mice, C=2 hedgehogs, D=2 chickens and so on. So what animals are VB, Suzee Wong and Stick Her Shock concealing? Here’s to the turkey bras, they’re true blue...”
Since it is, after all, CNY, VB brings in Maskerbator and presents his well-deserved red hong bao. Sing him a song, but send him back to the beer truck to keep the free flow going.
And now it’s time for the MMW? Gingerly stepping forward is Blur Like Sotong. Our virgin MMW tells us he first got a nudge back in November. PS sent him a text, but he found a reason to travel that week. But our persistent GM kept at him, and he finally BLS ran out of excuses. So what else-lah - charge the GM of course – “He’s the meanest...”
Mrs. Blur Like Sotong had a good idea – it’s CNY, so how about Lo Hei? According to the BBC, the Lo Hei culture promotes the waste of food. And the worst offenders are HK, Japan and Taiwan, so on in the ambassadors, Pokai (for being stupid enough to have married a Honkie in an earlier life), Dog Mount and 8:24, get it down, down, down, down....
POTW: Anxious to get rid of the Pr#ck, Roo Rooterhid it in VB’s bag, but the bag’s in the bedroom, so no Pr#ck tonight (well at least not for the circle - Scribe)
And how about a Trump? Sperm-Off-Ice steps up and calls in VB. Given the earlier UWCSEA education mass debate, the trumped up one thinks we should arm teachers? But the candidates are: Bibrator for tweeting the hares, Trump style, during the run and asking for directions, a non drinker like Trump - PS???, and as the second barrel blows (what a great job Maskerbator is doing tonight), it’s “Here’s to the Trumps, they’re true blue...”
Next it’s In & Out, with the Hariettes’ rolled-up Durex on his head – that’s definitely not an umbrella! On in Juicy Pussy, for causing rivalry between Coo Chee Coo and Cherry Picker vying to hold their umbrellas to keep the Juicy one dry? “They ought to be publically...”
And then, somewhat sadly, its the second last of our Japanese to depart. On in Dog Mount,who is returning to Japan, and the ever so polite DM leaves with that song ringing in her ears – which is sung to the tune of Auld Lang Syne...
AOB? Cherry Picker brings back Juicy Pussy. Despite his valiant umbrella efforts, she abandoned him for Stash, who had a bigger umbrella!!! “She’s the meanest…”
And the observant Stash brings back CP, who after the rain, changed his green shirt for a blue one. “Here’s to the non-Chinese he’s true blue...”
No Good keeps the shirt theme going. Almost everyone except CPis wearing a leprechaun CNY shirt, but let’s have the loving couple in, for wearing real and matching red shirts, actually not CNY but with the wedding characters to the fore - Here’s to the new velcro twins – Tina Tuna and Handbag, they’re true blue....
And, not letting them escape, Pokai calls the couple from Pasir Ris back in. Apparently the Chinese writing on their shirts talks of double happiness (lost in translation for me). And now Pokai explains why Tina Tuna is wearing this shirt, she kept the Pr#ck for so long. “Here’s the to double happiness, she’s true blue…”
And so, finally, at 8:56pm, despite lots of unfulfilled charges, there were 50+ starving #ers wanting to head to the Famous Kitchen, the beer truck was depleted, and the GM’s had had enough, it was on, on on. Well done to the hares for a great run, green Tshirts, Pimms and on to a thoroughly wet on-on.
Chinese New Year Run
Date: Friday 23rd February 2018
Run Site: Lorong Lada Hitam
On-on: Famous Kitchen @
54 Sembawang Rd 01-01Hong Heng Mansions
Hares: Chicken S#t, Pokai, Strapless
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 55 of which Members (23 F & 24 M )
Virgins: alas none
Visitors & Returnees: 8 (4 F, 4 M)
New Member: watch this space
Milestones: 3 attained but still to be awarded
Next Week’s Hares: Deep Throat & Ripper
Run Site: Marymount Terrace
On-On: District 20, Hot Melt Cold Brew
Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers, Photos: Count Dracula
With many struggling in after 7:30+pm, theGM’s ambitiously called for Gather ‘Round at 8:01pm. Voting B kicked off with Puck Smuggler still showering or drinking in the dark somewhere. And what did we think of the run? Too much of everything - jungle, shiggy, mud, hills, and checks. We know it’s the Year of the Dog, but was this run heralding the year of the greyhound? But as hashers minds collectively remember the last thing first, the Pimms drinks stop made sure it was a very GOOD RUN. Here’s to the hares, they’re true blue...... (and we are reminded Eskimo is back in town).
On-on – the Famous Kitchen - turn left, across the road, and if you find it, the hares will chip in 2 jugs of beer per table.
Next weeks hares? Deep Throat and Ripper- Marymount Terrace, and VB gets a down down early in proceedings to get her primed Virgins? Maybe at the start, but definitely not by the end.
And then the heavens opened, the circle scattered and the hashers dashed for umbrellas and cover (and being umbrella-less, the scribe took cover in the back of the beer truck, only to have Ayam Zinking accidently pour a beer all over him!).
As the circle reconvened, let’s get the Guests and Returnees in – Girls were After Hours, Susan, Tina Tuna and Vicky, - Men: Chong, Sperm Off Ice, Qualified Semen, & Windy Bar, “ Here’s to the wet ones they’re true blue...”
And do we have a Hare Whip? Pokai gets in for some self-charging b4 AoB. And why the green Tshirts? Is it the St. Patrick’s day run or the CNY run? Pokai says she mistook it for the Hari Raya run? And so she gets two songs – “She’s all right…”, but she’s also a “ B.I.M.B.O...?” Next ‘t is Tina Tuna, something about being a Tshirt sponsor (it was a bit difficult to hear from the beer truck, Scribe still had beer in his ears) – “3, 2, 1, drink it down, down...”
According to Voting B, some make the hash on time, some don’t make it at all. Some have an amazing reason - on in the laughing Smell Me. She’s not a FRB, but was first in - in a hash car! “Wah, smell me now!” she exclaimed. Turns out the perfumed one was in her car, otw to the run, when it started to rain. So she turned around, went home, lit the candles, and had champagne, grapes and who know what else in the bath tub. “B.I.M.B.O...”
Next it’s VB with a public service announcement. Firstly, due to inclement weather, the effme shoes are replaced for HSE reasons with more traditional flip flops (or is that thongs?). Then, standing still under a UWCSEA umbrella, which generated much side debate, VB tells us to get off our asses and sign up for the First Aid course next month. It’s all good hash-related stuff - Stings, Sprains and Hangovers.
Seems our GM PS has just one responsibility - nominate the MWs. How hard can that be? But he was overheard just 10 mins ago asking – “which one is #1 and which one is #2?” Go to UWCSEA, get a proper education and pay $10k more –“ B.I.M.B.O...”
And after the usual prevarication, in comes Trolly Dolly dressed as Old Nick with cloak and wonky horns (hasPokai still got the Pr#ck?). “All you sinners deserve punishment - rapists, philanderers, lawyers. Do we have a Frenchman? All fornicators take one step forward!” (soon there was no one left in the circle). “How about shortcutters?” - on in VB, Stick Her Shock, Suzee Wong, Blur Like Sotong and Hooray – Ultimate short-cutters who never moved from the beer truck. “Here’s to the short cutters they’re true blue....
And now its the turn of the Non-callers to face the devil’s wrath – on in Goody Bag and Bibrator, and despite self protestations - they’re all right...”
Next up for retribution is the farter that caused a Transavia Airlines flight from Dubai to make an emergency landing. But is this a self charge? Apparently the red-horned one was on a flight to SG, and was upgraded to First Class. A bit bored, he started playing with the push buttons in his Suite, but nothing happened. So on in Microsoft girl - Tight Lips. But she’s already gone, so it’s the dead ringer look alike - Rooning S#t who is the stand-in software man. So TD was relaxing in his Suite, pushing the wrong buttons, and as the plane accelerated to take off, the Suite door closed and the seat reclined into a bed. With his feet elevated, and feeling very comfortable, he decided to let one go. With the door closed, no one could hear. But as the foul gases built up, TD wanted to open the door, frantically pushing wrong buttons, and suffered a fate worse than hell – getting his own back. “Here’s to the self gasser, he’s true blue..”