Do we have a Mystery, Mystery Whip asks Chastity Belt? On in Coo Chi Coo asking for Durian Dog – I owe him some money! After the first, second and even third time that I met No Good, she didn’t even recognise me. But tonight on the run, BA walks past just once, andNo Good instantly recognises him, and has a meltdown. Who the f was that asks CCC? That’s BA, I met him for just one night in Black Widow’s bar in WanChai 7 years ago. Here’s to No Good, she’s true blue…. 3 weeks ago, the CCC’s go to JB for Interbike hash. It’s a very Chinese affair, with the locals having beer for breakfast. But thinking one step ahead, and hoping for a harmonious trip back over the Causeway, CCC asked No Good to print the map home. And holding up about 20 maps taped together, CCC exposes the overly helpfulNo Good. She’s not from Tasmania! She’s dumb……

Pr#ck Me announces a special occasion – Puck Smuggler is leaving, so on in the two priorGM’s who served under him – VB and PML. VB – I feel like a momma bird, seeing her chick fly the nest. I gave PS his name, and recruited/tricked him into becoming GM. I remember trying to explain something from the 80’s, to which PS replied that he was just an embryo then! And whilst he may not have been the hardest working GM, he did a great job appointing the whips and running our circles. Next it’s PML, who is wracking her brain to try and find something bad to say! PS brought me to my first ever hash, but early in the run, my shoe broke, and what did the loving PS say? I can’t wait for you, why the f did you bring a broken shoe. I got bullied, but undeterred, I stepped up to be his co-GM. But I got no training, no coaching, no tips or advice – just turn up and do your job. And so for one whole year, I was a Bimbo! He’s alright, he’s alright, and then followed with the traditional song for the dearly departing – f off, you… And the committee have bought their ex GM an engraved tankard – that’s just the thing for PS. And to cries of fill it up, many hashers pour in their beers – why, are we waiting…..

And next in the departure lounge is Four Sores, who started on the Monday hash, but he has no mug. I have something to say about myself he declares. I joined about 10 years ago. It was Ditch that made me come. I was young, single, a virgin and available. Join LCH3 said Ditch, and meet your future wife. But after meeting my Godmother on the hash, I eventually met my future wife outside.  And not long after, I had to quit the hash, but when she realised there were no pretty young things on the hash any more, I was allowed to re-join. Now LCH3 is a part of my history. But I’m moving to Jakarta (not far enough?). And so let’s send off Four Sores in the only way LCH3 can – f off, you….

AoB? Pr#ck Me charges PS for encouraging our previous GM’s to be more drama like. Next it’s Circle Jerk, asking No Good if CCC is ok tonight? Is he off his food? Still performing well? I saw some dodgy indicators today – he didn’t spot a water bottle down PML’s shorts! No idea, he’s lost the plot, but when our ex GM overtook CCC, he patted her on the bum, and then shockingly said – oh, I’m sorry! There’s something terribly wrong, why would he ever apologise for that? Take him to A&E immediately. Here’s to grandpa…. And trying to explain, CCC is reminded that the whip is always right – and also given the departure song for good measure.

Still on AoB, CCC is back in, explaining he really had to apologise, I slapped her with my wrong hand!

Pokai is in – Ayoh, it’s Singlish time. Now I’m out of the committee, so no more work, right? But no, now I’m the team masseuse? Long, long time, one time, for hash, Fawlty Bush complains – backside very pain. Smells Me gives some advice – need to rub like that, I have a big pointy thing, big one good, angle it properly, and rub. But it was too painful for Fawlty Bush – cannot lah, I’m damn desperate now, and along comes the happy ending LCH3 masseuse. Pokai to Fawlty Bush – open leg, close leg, press, press, then I take out my cream, and rub rub. Here’s to the Fawlty ending, she’s true blue….

Chastity Belt asks FB to stay in. Seems that whilst shopping in Geylang, FB walked past a bird shop, offering parrots for $50. That’s cheap says FB. “Yes,” says the store owner, “but I must warn you, this parrot used to live in a whore house!” But FB says: “It’s still a very beautiful parrot, I will take it home.” And when her sisters come over, the parrot says: “New house, new madam.” FB says: “If that’s the worst of it, I got a really good deal here.” But later that night, Fawlty Towers stumbles in drunk, and the parrot says: “Hi Basil.” Here’s to the parroter, she’s true blue….

Puck Smuggler is back in. I’m leaving, but you may miss me on the run, so I need a stunt double, but stunt doubles get hurt, so I need two – on in Comes Quietly and Strapless. You have to swear to be my double, and repeat after me – I, solemnly swear, to run all the hills, never take a short cut, go into the circle and make obnoxious charges, and keep hashing till you leave Singapore! Here’s to the Stunt Doubles, they’re true blue…..

And, so, finally, at 8:42pm, with the beer finally exhausted, it’s on on on to Hansa Thai. Well done GM’s, great run hares, and farewell our friends Puck Smuggler and Four Sores – all the best. And now I’m off to re-train my parrot.