MYSTERY WHIP Juicy Pussy followed whip tradition by calling in the GM, but not for the usual “short notice” charge. She wanted to know how many Mystery Whips did he want? Not only did he ask her to do duty, but also Cereal Killer and another for the same slot. Is he setting up a competition for the job? So A D-D for the GM, who protested that with so many hares to charge he thought more effort was needed. “He ought to be publically...” After which Handbag is in for vacillation, on the day of the Scorpio run he was already on a train for Choa Chu Kang when he realised he’d forgotten something, went back and was late. So he had to run along the in-trail to catch up. B-I-M-B-O. JP admitted she was not in the right mood for whipping and, short of charge material, she showered near a group of chatterers in the hope of picking up some scuttlebuck. The attempt at eavesdropping failed when the group moved away...on in 8.24, Cereal Killer and Ditch, whose ballroom dancing lessons were the chat group’s subject...more B-I-M-B-O...
GM called in Durian Dog who wasn’t able to make the Hash Bash the previous Saturday, to receive his well-deserved award for Whip of the Year. “He’s all right, he’s all right...” Then GM called in Birthday Boy Count Dracula for the ritual song and D-D.
MYSTERY MYSTERY WHIP: on in 8.24 who thanks everyone for supporting POTUS (we did what?-Scribe). MMW called in Circle Jerk who was normally very quiet on the run, despite being a professional speaker. Quiet, that is, until he found a rusty green railing to vandalise somewhere in the depths of a drain, with a roar like a dying bull, said MMW. “He’s all right...” Seems there was another case of shortage of whipping material, so 8.24 decides to give us a song from his Grandad, Gr-8.24, and to the tune of “Winter Wonderland” tells us what happens in the American household when the wife is away...”Walking round in womens' underwear...”
Now it’s time for POTW and the holder is Corny Linguist. Keen to pass on the priapic prosthesis, he looks for a suitable excuse. He wonders why the free tees are sized in inches, not the usual S-M-L-XL-XXL. He calls in Dead Fish who had trouble deciding on the right size as he’s used to the simple way. He calls in Chilli Balls too, and the pair are branded arithmetically challenged. On the decision of the shout-ometer it’s Chilli Balls who wins the trophy and takes home the little black bag.
Into AOB and GM awards Shipyard Flasher the first slot. She’s concerned that the hash members are ailing, losing their creativity, marbles and Circle Jerk his eyesight. Seems a group including CJ, Coo Chi Coo and Ayam Zinking came out of the jungle and couldn’t find the trail. They needed a steer from someone who speaks English. “They’re the meanest...”
SYF wants another word... “a quickie” she says, thinking it’s past time for the Hash Bash Party Committee to be recognised for their successful efforts to give a memorable evening at Harry’s the previous Saturday. So, on in the team with mention of absent members Bibrator and Voting B*, ‘They’re all right...”
AOB from Coo Chi Coo who thinks 8.24 is the meanest for not sharing his frilly underwear and from Handbag who sympathised with not-so-high jumper Coo Chi Coo for failing to clear a chain link fence and snagging his valuables...”He ought to be...”
AOB from Cereal Killer celebrating Circle Jerk’s incredible opportunism, soliciting a young woman walking her dog to join the Dog Hash. “He ought to be...”
Final AOB from Juicy Pussy noting that Hooray and Cereal Killer were both wearing hand supports. Hooray’s was from self-abuse, he claimed, and CK’s from punching a condom machine that refused to deliver. “They ought to be...”
Keeping the Scottish flavour of the evening, JP recalled her tour of the Highlands and experience with haggis, which she did not enjoy. The Scots still had a lot to say with Corny Linguist and co-hares swapping saucy translations of words normally used for domestic appliances, but others were hungry, so at around 8.30 the GM moved us ON-ON-ON.
Thanks to St Andrew for his inspiration, and to the Scots for a fine and memorable run.
Friday 15 Nov 2019 - St Andrew’s Run
Run Site: Blackmore Drive
Hares: Bagless, Corny Linguist & Guest Hares
On-on: Red Lantern.
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 26 of which 22 Members ( 8F, 14M)
Virgins: Scared of Scots
Guests & Returnees: (1F,3M)
With 2 Guest Hares : Shoeless, Dogsh*.
Circle Scribe: Airborne Photos: Count Dracula
It was a rather small circle that responded reluctantly to the GM’s call at 7.45. Perhaps it would have been better with the skirl o’ the pipes, or “Sporrans Up!” instead of “Circle Up”. Hashers were too busy rehydrating, or perhaps admiring the Scots Free Tee. This time it is a pleasant green with white trim, and embossed with an aggressive-looking Scottish hero wielding beer mug, & shield simultaneously, more of him later. But even a free tee was, apparently, not enough to counter the temptation of Chang Mai, and with several notable hashers missing, GM suggested the hares should form a circle & the rest go into it.
GM Chastity Belt was assisted by stand-in GMs Chilli Balls, who had one leg in the hare camp, of course, being Mrs Bagless. The hares were summoned, and appeared wearing a tribal Tam o’ Shanter perched on a Trump-coloured bundle of fluff. Except Corny Linguist, who sported his own native bundle of fluff. GM wanted to know how long it had taken to plan the run, was it 51 weeks? The trail was devious enough, so WDWTOTR? The Circle produced some pretty weak grumbles, "Too many hares, not enough paper” and someone wanted to know if the Scots had deliberately chosen the date for their Free Tee run when a lot of members would be away. But with some interesting routing, 8km for the long runners and a drink stop plus the free tee, the verdict had to be GOOD RUN! Here's to hares, they're true blue..."
Tell us about your on-on? Not much to tell, it’s the Red Lantern but the price will be $13 with 3 free bottles of beer (or Milo if you prefer).
Next Week’s Hares:Ayam Zinking (but hopefully still afloat) with partner PoKai starting from Pepys Road, Car Park C. On-on definitely NOT the Red Lantern, but still TBA. This news provoked an aggressive response from Coo Chi Coo who wanted to charge protection money for use of his territory.
GUESTS & RETURNEES ... Round up the usual suspects Shipyard Flasher, Cereal Killer, Dead Fish and Dirty Groper.
HARE WHIP: Well, it was more like the circle whipping the hares. Shoeless claimed the Free T-shirt design team had been working on it for weeks. Bagless explained the inspiration for the character was Robert the Bruce, prompting the response that it looked more like Blackbeard. “No it’s Babu Nana!” Said another. “Why wasn’t the beard orange, like the hares’ wigs?” Answer? It would have cost more to be coloured differently...”They’re the meanest...”
Hare Corny Linguist claimed the run had been corrupted, and was offended because in planning for the run, he’d found an exciting new path along a drain. Fellow hares said, “Oh, but we don’t need to go down there, we can just lay the trail along the top. Scared of high tides, apparently. “They’re the meanest...”
GM rounded off the T-shirt debate by calling in chief designer Chilli Balls for a D-D “She’s all right, she’s all right...” Another great Scottish creation, thanks to all the sponsors.
GM quoted the husband whose wife complained she was losing her mind. “I’m not surprised, you’ve been giving it to me for 20 years!”