Do we have a Mystery, Mystery Whip asks Chastity Belt? On in Coo Chi Coo asking for Durian Dog – I owe him some money! After the first, second and even third time that I met No Good, she didn’t even recognise me. But tonight on the run, BA walks past just once, andNo Good instantly recognises him, and has a meltdown. Who the f was that asks CCC? That’s BA, I met him for just one night in Black Widow’s bar in WanChai 7 years ago. Here’s to No Good, she’s true blue…. 3 weeks ago, the CCC’s go to JB for Interbike hash. It’s a very Chinese affair, with the locals having beer for breakfast. But thinking one step ahead, and hoping for a harmonious trip back over the Causeway, CCC asked No Good to print the map home. And holding up about 20 maps taped together, CCC exposes the overly helpfulNo Good. She’s not from Tasmania! She’s dumb……
Pr#ck Me announces a special occasion – Puck Smuggler is leaving, so on in the two priorGM’s who served under him – VB and PML. VB – I feel like a momma bird, seeing her chick fly the nest. I gave PS his name, and recruited/tricked him into becoming GM. I remember trying to explain something from the 80’s, to which PS replied that he was just an embryo then! And whilst he may not have been the hardest working GM, he did a great job appointing the whips and running our circles. Next it’s PML, who is wracking her brain to try and find something bad to say! PS brought me to my first ever hash, but early in the run, my shoe broke, and what did the loving PS say? I can’t wait for you, why the f did you bring a broken shoe. I got bullied, but undeterred, I stepped up to be his co-GM. But I got no training, no coaching, no tips or advice – just turn up and do your job. And so for one whole year, I was a Bimbo! He’s alright, he’s alright, and then followed with the traditional song for the dearly departing – f off, you… And the committee have bought their ex GM an engraved tankard – that’s just the thing for PS. And to cries of fill it up, many hashers pour in their beers – why, are we waiting…..
And next in the departure lounge is Four Sores, who started on the Monday hash, but he has no mug. I have something to say about myself he declares. I joined about 10 years ago. It was Ditch that made me come. I was young, single, a virgin and available. Join LCH3 said Ditch, and meet your future wife. But after meeting my Godmother on the hash, I eventually met my future wife outside. And not long after, I had to quit the hash, but when she realised there were no pretty young things on the hash any more, I was allowed to re-join. Now LCH3 is a part of my history. But I’m moving to Jakarta (not far enough?). And so let’s send off Four Sores in the only way LCH3 can – f off, you….
AoB? Pr#ck Me charges PS for encouraging our previous GM’s to be more drama like. Next it’s Circle Jerk, asking No Good if CCC is ok tonight? Is he off his food? Still performing well? I saw some dodgy indicators today – he didn’t spot a water bottle down PML’s shorts! No idea, he’s lost the plot, but when our ex GM overtook CCC, he patted her on the bum, and then shockingly said – oh, I’m sorry! There’s something terribly wrong, why would he ever apologise for that? Take him to A&E immediately. Here’s to grandpa…. And trying to explain, CCC is reminded that the whip is always right – and also given the departure song for good measure.
Still on AoB, CCC is back in, explaining he really had to apologise, I slapped her with my wrong hand!
Pokai is in – Ayoh, it’s Singlish time. Now I’m out of the committee, so no more work, right? But no, now I’m the team masseuse? Long, long time, one time, for hash, Fawlty Bush complains – backside very pain. Smells Me gives some advice – need to rub like that, I have a big pointy thing, big one good, angle it properly, and rub. But it was too painful for Fawlty Bush – cannot lah, I’m damn desperate now, and along comes the happy ending LCH3 masseuse. Pokai to Fawlty Bush – open leg, close leg, press, press, then I take out my cream, and rub rub. Here’s to the Fawlty ending, she’s true blue….
Chastity Belt asks FB to stay in. Seems that whilst shopping in Geylang, FB walked past a bird shop, offering parrots for $50. That’s cheap says FB. “Yes,” says the store owner, “but I must warn you, this parrot used to live in a whore house!” But FB says: “It’s still a very beautiful parrot, I will take it home.” And when her sisters come over, the parrot says: “New house, new madam.” FB says: “If that’s the worst of it, I got a really good deal here.” But later that night, Fawlty Towers stumbles in drunk, and the parrot says: “Hi Basil.” Here’s to the parroter, she’s true blue….
Puck Smuggler is back in. I’m leaving, but you may miss me on the run, so I need a stunt double, but stunt doubles get hurt, so I need two – on in Comes Quietly and Strapless. You have to swear to be my double, and repeat after me – I, solemnly swear, to run all the hills, never take a short cut, go into the circle and make obnoxious charges, and keep hashing till you leave Singapore! Here’s to the Stunt Doubles, they’re true blue…..
And, so, finally, at 8:42pm, with the beer finally exhausted, it’s on on on to Hansa Thai. Well done GM’s, great run hares, and farewell our friends Puck Smuggler and Four Sores – all the best. And now I’m off to re-train my parrot.
Run 1941 Circle Report
Hares: Voting B#tch and Roo Rooter
On-on: Hansa Thai
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 48 of which 41 Members (19F, 22M)
Virgins: Not in the car park
Guests: Shuttlecock, Dumpling, Bagless 2 and Telecum
Returnees: Tiger Lily, B.A. and Four Sores
Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers
Photos: Fawlty Bush
Our eager GM’s want to get this show on the road, so our showering stragglers and beer guzzlers are called to order at 7:50pm. It might be parent/teacher night at the Queensway Secondary School across the road (and hence the popularity of the car park tonight), but we need to put our hashers to the test – WDWTOTRun? Too much shiggy? Where was the split? A runners’ run? Almost f adequate. But the general consensus was these kids made the grade, and it is declared a really good run by Chastity Belt. Voting B#tch directs us to highly recommended Hansa Thai – just over there, and with free beer on every table, a good crowd is assured.
Next week’s run enquires Pr#ck Me? Stumbling over the many prepared beers, Circle Jerk comes in to face calls of hash sh#t before he can get a word out! Seems he is stepping in as an emergency hare to cover a last minute hole in the hare line, so it will be a recce less run starting from Tanglin Halt, but with birthday beer bribes at the on on. Now CJ retires back to hash brew duties - one for you, one for me….
Guests and returnees? Only Bibrator knows, but she is still showering. But she’s tracked down and brought into the circle, adjusting bits, to announce who’s paid to join us tonight – Guests - Shuttle Cock, Dumpling, Bagless 2 and Telecum, and Returnees – Tiger Lily, B.A. and Four Sores. Here’s to the payers, they’re true blue……
Hare Whip – STFUp, its Roo Rooter, but he is impressed with all the RR shirts on display. Minding her own business is Pucks Me Lately, sipping on her coffee cup full of red wine, looking very calm, showered, dry, her hair fantastic. But this belies her performance on the run tonight, throwing up at least twice, but stoically making it back nonetheless. So bring her in, give her a beer, and see if we can get a third chunder tonight? Drink it D.D.D.D….. Now, unlike Circle Jerk, RR prides himself on helping his partner set the trail, even in a kilt (as the fact checking girls try peering under the kilt to see what really is there). But knowing the proximity of next week’s run, VB was second guessing where CJ would set the trail – CJ will go down there, let’s go the other way. But RR confirms, CJ has no plan, no idea and no intention of even doing a recce – he’s dumb….. Stay in RR as VB charges her co-hare. Normally, after haring together, the co-hares have to go for marriage counselling. But tonight, RR was uncharacteristically helpful, so here’s to the Roo Rooter, he’s true blue…..
Chastity Belt can’t help but charge the aptly named Blur Like Sotong, who on the run, whilst standing on a massive white arrow, asked, where’s the run?
Pr#ck Me calls for the Mystery Whip? It’s not Puck Smuggler, but the learned teacher – Durian Dog. Puck Smuggler and I go back a long way. I made him come – on Mondays, Fridays and sometimes on Saturdays, but we no longer come together. On in Sweet Tongue. When I see her from afar, I see a very nice lady, but in fact she is a schemer! That Green Card was supposed to be mine! But no, this one can sweet talk and sweet talk. When invited to a party early in the piece, Sweet Tongue didn’t bring the usual bottle of wine or box of chocolates. No, this one brings Chendol to win her man. I see her as a rival, but her departure will be a loss to Singapore. I blame Puck Smuggler. Foreign talent, comes to SG, takes our jobs, and our pretty women. I don’t care what you smuggle on your way out, but not our endangered pretty women. You can take No Good instead (and Coo Chi Coo offers to pay – there’s no need to smuggle). Here’s to Puck Smuggler, he’s true blue….. And Durian Dog heads off into the dark to the parent teacher night.
PoTW? Apparently Samson Letoi gave it to Kate? And she’s not here. But says VB, he might get to keep it for giving an unwanted pr#ck to a women.