PSA x2 – Count Dracula announces that the only thing the 2000th committee decided on at their first meeting (apart from drinking lots of beers), was that the date for the celebration run would be the 27th of June. And Croc O’Sh#t says – sorry, that doesn’t work for me……
And now, it’s time, for, the, Mystery, Mystery, Whip? Also from Brazil? Oh no – just hang on, how about the PoTW? And Sweet Thighs come in with something that definitely looks like it came from Brazil. My husband hasn’t seen it she claims? But first we need representatives for Coo Chi Coo, so on in the Aussies – Comes Quietly and Fawlty Towers. But you too aren’t bad enough, so you can go back to your bbq’s. Let’s get a hare rep in – Spreads Easily, and also the good looking young German guy – no, not Cherry Picker – that guy, who ran with us last week also. He’s hot exclaims Sweet Thighs, and last week he brought his two daughters, whoCoo Chi Coo chased around the entire trail. But Spread Easily makes conversation – so how old are your daughters (quickly doing the math to work out if he was an acceptable age). And so we have CCC eying off the young daughters, and Spreads Easily eying off the young father. And in a vain attempt to ward off the Pr#ck, Spreads Easily pleads that she is not coming next week. That’s ok we all say, take the Pr#ck with you. She’s alright….
And now, it really is time, for, the, MMW? It’s Handbag from Pasir Ris, who claims there are a few perverts on the hash (just a few?). As he was walking down from the MRT tonight, he bumped into Circle Jerk, who just had to tell Handbag about his new fit bit. And CJ ponders to HB – I wonder if it works whilst making love? And 11 chimes in – that’s why your fit bit is always on zero! And HB replies to CJ – well to make it work, you’d have to strap it on to your balls. Here’s to the perverts, they’re true blue…… Next in is Spreads Easily, who claimed she wouldn’t be coming next week, despite receiving the PoTW? Well with that thing exclaims Handbag, you’ll be coming all week. Now, back to the news this week and it’s all about Iran. In fact 10 years ago, HB was in Iran. His boss took him to a top restaurant in Teheran, and he was the only westerner in there. And the manager comes over and asks in his best English, and where are you from, Sir? The UK responds HB. And next the manager brings out a flag pole with a Union Jack and stands it up beside a nervous target - HB. Now this week, HB got an email from his boss asking if they should go back to Iran? And HB thinks about it, does some research and checking, and decides, yes, ok, let’s do that. And after sending his approval, gets in the car to go home. And listening to the BBC, hear’s how Trump has launched a drone attack and killed the top General of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guards. So let’s get a lookalike in for General Soliemani – seems Fawlty Towers is not from Brazil but in fact Iran. And Handbag bursts into song:
Golden days before the end
Soliemani hears something in the wind
USA doesn’t want you, anymore
In the night they quietly fly
Drones raining missiles from the sky
USA doesn’t want you, anymore
It breaks your bones in two
When a Scud missile lands on you
But what will your do, when a missile rips through
And you become 1 to the power of 2
It’s over, it’s over, it’s overrrrrrrrrrr!!!
And on that note, do we have, Any, Other, Business??? PML calls in Rooning Sh#t – you have such nice hair (it’s a wig is the call from the crowd). Did you shower asks PML? Sooch tells me you have such fine showering facilities – back at home! Let’s give the vain hashers a note – They’re no …… use to anyone….
Count Dracula is in with big news from page 1 of the Straits Times. But first I need a Singaporean lady – let’s get Wonton in. Now the article was all about how married Singaporean women are having less sex than desired? Just look around you, says the gesticulating Count – what about all these fine hashing specimens – what are you waiting for?
Wonton stays in, and calls back a protesting Rooning Sh#t (seems he knows whats coming?). When we last ran at Vanda Link, Rooning Sh#t apparently tried to go home to wash his silver locks, but couldn’t? He got to his car after the run, but it wouldn’t open? So Wonton helpfully suggested the battery in his electronic key was probably flat and he should try his manual key? So he pushed in the manual key, but it still wouldn’t open? And Fake Virgin is in with the answer to the mystery – because it was my f car! B.I.M.B.O…..
Hooray informs us, we have a young member, who has been with us for 5 years (mostly walking), but today, led by Strapless, started running – the wrong way! Here’s to Wide Spread……
Sperm On Ice just can’t let the hares off that easily – back in you come. Now at the beginning, Spreads Easily was explaining about the organic stuff that looks like pet poo, laid in little clumps in the NParks areas. It won’t alert NParks she says? But today, on the home trail, there was a massive arrow, made out of the pet poo stuff. How natural is that, asks SoI? Was it a directional arrow pecked out by a wood pecker asks SoI? B.I.M.B.O….. (and Rooning Sh#t says – the Sh#t family have the patent on that)
And so, at 8:30pm, it’s off to the Red Lantern for the special menu – more beer. Well done stand in GM’s, and excellent run hares, and the furry ones in Aus are thankful also, on, on, on!
Hares: 8:24, Spreads Easily and Smell Me
On-on: Red Lantern
Total Run/Circle Attendance: 45 of which 34 Members (17F, 17M)
Virgins: Not across from the Methodists’ girls school
Guests: Dirty Groper, Tibo, Penny, Dick Jockey, Sperm On Ice and Bernd
Guest Hare: Spreads Easily
Returnees: Tiger Lily, Dead Fish, Skidmark and Sweet Tongue
Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers, Photos: Count Dracula
Welcome to our stand in GM’s – Stash and Pucks Me Lately, and welcome to run #1973. “That’s my year,” says Sperm On Ice? “You’re so old says,” PML! “Ok, let’s get our hares in?” But hang on, they’re still showering. Then let’s get the representative hare in – Smells Me – who didn’t need to shower. But 8:24 and Spreads Easily enter with their co-ordinated hash shirts. So, ask our GM’s, WDWTOTRun? “Good run, too clean, but I got lost,” exclaims PML! Too bad, too sad, it’s a good run, so, HTTHares, they’re true blue…. On On? Pls consult our F&B Director – Smells Me. It’s at the old fav – the Red Lantern. It’s a different menu, 7 dishes, and cheap, cheap, plus two bottles per table (is that whisky asks Strapless?).
Next week’s hares? It’s birthday Bibrator and Sweet Tongue. Get yourself to Lorong Sesuai. But they won’t really be laying trail, so Comes Quietly and Astronut might be doing a live hare run? Here’s to Next week’s hares, they’re true blue….. And a taxi pulls up and the Uncle asks the circle for directions? Now he’s totally confused.
No virgins outside the school, so let’s get the guests and returnees in:
Guests: Penny. And PML to Penny (still to be named) Pay Lah – how come you’ve got a LCH3 shirt that I don’t have? Everyone – because you didn’t come to last weeks run! Plus we have Dick Jockey – she’s a real hasher – caught having a smoke b4 and after the run. And Bernd and Tibo from Germany plus Dirty Groper from down the road. And we also have our:
Returnees: Tiger Lily, Dead Fish, Skidmark and Sweet Tongue. And we think they’re all, alright, they’re alright, they’ve got…….
Hare Whip? Can we come back later? Huh?
Ok, did Chastity Belt appoint a Mystery Whip whilst sailing in Langkawi? And after a few falsies, it seems the only person CB could think of for MW duties whilst he was sailing was a fellow sailor, Fawlty Towers. And so the scribe extricates himself from the chair, and proceeds to call in PML and Handbag. Now, I don’t know what kinda run everyone else did tonight, but the three of us did our own run. We had PML as our FRB, Handbag representing the middle of the pack, and Fawlty Towers as the straggler. But we all put our faith in our young FRB, and followed her all the way, andPML claimed she was on paper all the way, but we got back in 30mins! Here’s to our ‘on trail’ FRB, she’s true blue….. Ok, hash brew, start pouring. Can we have in Ditch, Cherry Picker (ok a lookalike German), Rooning Sh#t, Wonton, Stash, Comes Quietly, Astronut, Count Dracula and Strapless. Now, what have this lot got in common??? They are your 2000th celebration run committee! It’s a very experienced committee, who have 6,871 runs between them, which on average, is 765 runs each! Even to get into this elite group, you have to have a minimum 500 runs. But one amongst them has let the team down – he only has 499 runs. Yes, it’s Cherry Picker. And so, the junior member can make up for his lack of status, by being the Wala for the entire weekend of 2000th run celebrations. Here’s to the Wala Wala, he’s true blue…….
And as FT retires to his chair, Stash calls him back. According to his watsapp message, the MW was supposed to be Brazil? And so Wankie Pooh is also pulled in for her husband’s spell checking errors – here’s to the Brazillians…….
And our Hare Whip is now ready, and 8:24 starts with – and Trump wants to know how many zero’s in a Brazillian??? Now tonight on trail,8:24 noticed a little kiosk in the jungle, with a sign out the front – Burgers $5, Chicken Sandwiches $5, Handjobs $5. And so 8:24 stopped by, and thought to himself, i’ve always wanted to try one of those! And so he tentatively asks the lady behind the counter: “I notice you’ve got some interesting things on the menu. Are you the one that gives them all?” “Well, yes, darling, I can do you all.” “Ok,” says 8:24, “can you go wash your hands and fix me a chicken sandwich!”
PSA from PML – Can we have all the Aussies in? Comes Quietly, Fawlty Towers and the new Australian – Skidmark. Australia is on fire, and the furry ones (ie: the marsupials) need our help. So PML challenges us that she will set a run for every $100 dollars raised tonight – woo hoo! (Note: with $300 raised by midnight, PML is up for at least 3 harelines, and plus another $700+ raised over the weekend for the furry ones – well done).