Next up for TD whipping, the rednecks: challenged to a down-down with a difference - first of all our Indonesian hashers Cereal Killer & Juicy Pussy, who claim to put down more beer than anyone else. Then our more successful former British colony, whose pint is, surprisingly, 25% less than the British unit, represented by Puul Toy. Finally Bibrator, for Singapore where drinks are to scale with the tiny Republic. Out of a box come the filled glasses - full litre steins (100 centilitres) for the Jakarta jokers, a proper British 20 fluid ounce pint (57 cl) for the man from the New World and a mingy 33 cl for the living breathing Asian. Who won the D-D? Really it was not a fair match but the big drinkers put up a very creditable show with CK easily putting down his macho mugful in one go and JP on a second swallow. PT had a little trouble with his extra 25% but we were too busy watching the big drinkers to follow Bibrator.
Getting our money's worth from the Hare Whip, TD said there were secret societies within the hash and called in Ditch, Cherry Picker and Ray (from Monday Hash). Whatever their secret, it's still safe since TD just handed out D-Ds. Ray, however, was an impostor. Monday Hashers don't have hash names so no secrecy. Here the circle went into dogpack mode and shouts of "Give him a name!" got louder. Monday Hash, being all-male, draws suspicion on itself, so "Lady Boy, Lady Boy, Lady Boy..." rose to a howl and inevitably the victim was on his knees before the Grand Inquisitioner to be given the style & title of “Lady Boy”.
POTW & TOTW were both in custody of PoKai, who managed to combine the two by mutating Puck Smuggler's pre-D&D stress dreams into wet ones. Quite how this justified him getting TOTW was not clear but this was an evening of nonsequiturs. “He ought to be publically…”
At last it was actually time for the Mystery Whip with Strapless wielding the flail. First up was Running Sh*t for being a thoroughly decent chap and helping Hashers cross the busy Upper Thompson Road. "Here's to Lollipop Man, he's true blue...". Next he praised the Lord for sending us Moses, complete with staff (or in this case walking stick carried by returnee Boobalube) to ward off evil. Moses said he wouldn't go anywhere without a Handbag, so in one more for a D-D.
Some Milestones were long overdue from Committee deliberations but finally, those who had earned them received their due from Grand Mattress as follows: 50 runs: Stick Her Shock, who duly obliged the shouts of "Off Off Off..." by flashing a well-filled bra, and with 100 runs, Voting B*tch felt obliged to give a repeat. "They're all right, they're ..." and certainly not flatchested.
Sweet Thighs had clocked up 300 runs, the same as Eleven, so breast men got an eyeful this night. Then it was the men's turn to strip, with Puck Smuggler finally reaching 50 runs having been beaten to it by Sir Long & Thin also on 50 runs. Cherry Picker achieved his 400th run some 3 months ago but has had to wait, whilst Straplesshaving reached 99% of 900 runs was given the benefit of the doubt, here he is being assaulted by PoKai, Bibrator & Lady Boy.
However the Big One was still to come with a new member joining the elite 1000+ runs club: it’s No Good "Here's to big ones, they're true blue..." and the last but certainly not least of the strippers this evening. GMs called in the other members of the 1000+ club here present, with Coo Chi Coo, HooRay, Mother Mary and Dirty Hacker joining NG.
Corny Linguist obliged next as Mystery2 Whip, calling in the ladies who flashed in the wrong direction, i.e. facing outwards. One such was VB who exacerbated the crime by wearing socks with her Eff-me shoes..."Why was she born so beautiful..." Returning to superheroes, he remembered the feats of strength by Superman who can stop trucks and trains. We have such in our Hash group, who can not only stop trains but take them out altogether between Joo Koon and Penjuru - step up Trolley Dolly. "Here's to train stoppers, they're true blue..."
GMs is making wind-up signs as it's gone 9 o' clock, the circle is restive and tummies are rumbling, so Malfuktion just has time to speak for Next Week's Hares and the run is from Alexandra Village, Bukit Merah Lane 3 Car Park. AOB is curtailed, the guillotine comes down on No Good before she has time to speak but Puck Smuggler just has time to get a quick flog to Ayam Zinking and Running Sh*t for not wearing the new T-Shirt. "They're the meanest..."
And at 9.11 pm it’s at last time for ON-ON-ON.
Circle Report - Run 1861
Date: Friday 24th November 2017
Run Site: End of Tagore Road
On-on: Happy Kampong Seafood
Hares: Ayam Zinking, PoKai & Trolley Dolly
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 69 of which 47 Members (F 28 & M 19)
Virgins: None present
Visitors & Returnees: 22 (11F, 11M)
New Member: Not this week
Milestones Lots – see below
Next Week’s Hares: Bagless, Corny Linguist, Dog Sh*t, Shoeless
Run Site: Bukit Merah Lane 3 Car Park, Alexandra Village
On-On: Alexandra Village
Circle Scribe: Airborne, Photos: Count Dracula – For full photo-shoot, see LCH3 website, click at above for Run 1861.
Best crowd of the year - 47 members with 22 Guests & Returnees - having turned up, it was not surprising that GM Puck Smuggler & GMs Voting Bitch had to struggle to get the circle formed up at a tardy 8.10pm. Eventually sheep & goats were herded into some sort of order, only to be broken up by "Lorry, lorry" many times during the proceedings.Hares were summoned and Ayam Zinking, PoKai & Trolley Dolly appeared to hear the verdict. "Too many runs (there were 3), too much shiggy, too much jungle, not enough paper..." In the absence of anything more original objections were over-ruled and the verdict was GOOD RUN verging on the first class, with not only free flow of beer but T-Shirt and goody bag too.
Returnees this week included many former members: Big Head, Boobalube, No No, Pooh Bag, Princess of the Sloth, Spreads Easily, Cockeye, Malfunktion. Glad to see you again & thanks for making the effort to come.
Guests welcomed were Bey, Dripping Bush, Sonia, Cereal Killer, Comes First, DIY, Kanjana, Lap Dog, Parental Guidance, Ray, Sauerkraut, Teeny Weeny Willy, Whipme Houston & Windy Bar. Sad to report, there were No Virgins this week.
Back to business and GMs VB called in all former GMs that were present, and we were pleased to seeBig head, Coo Chi Coo, Deep Throat, Handbag, Mother Mary, PoKai, Running Sh*t, all but one of whom are still members. "Why were they born so beautiful..." Thanks, folks for your part in keeping LCHHH on the road. VB announced she had written to several past GMs to solicit goodwill messages for the occasion. Only one replied, Bugle Boy. Apart from the good wishes, he added a riddle: "How to you make a cake into pie? Answer: cut into 3.14 pieces..." *For full text see after this report.
Enter Ditch, giving us a diversion from the main theme of the evening, wearing a hilarious turkey headdress to remind folk from Uncle Sam's fair land that it was eve of Thanksgiving.
Hare Whip: Trolley Dolly who complained first of all, that despite a warning not to wet the toilet floor, when he entered after 2 male hashers he found a wet floor. Without naming & shaming the perpetrators he moaned about old men not being able to see & pee straight. Next complaint: late comers, singling out Shipyard Flasher, Poo Bag & Wet Landing. As a complete non sequitur, he asked which of these was a candidate for Singapore Superhero? As they didn't show much difference, he decided to test their ability to change clothes fast. Opening what looked like a rag bag, he invited the three to grab the first garment they touched, and put it on. So we voyeurs enjoyed sight of the 3 girls & TD scrambling to be the first to wear the superhero garb. It soon became obvious that it was a rigged competition as Pooh Bag stripped off her track suit to reveal a preprepared (and well-fitting) Supergirl costume beneath . Throwing in a cartwheel across the circle for good measure, she fitted the role perfectly. "Here's to superheroes, they're true blue..."