MYSTERY2 WHIP: on in Puck me Lately who seems to have been a bit stung by the charge of deserting the virgin she brought to the run. So, call him in, and tell him what it’s all about! “You have to buy the job! Meaning, show up every week, even when it’s raining! Look-here’s the GM, he makes the whole thing tick, has to find the whips every week, even when he’s not in SG. Look – there’s the GMs – has to make sure there’s a hare every week... BTW there’s no truth in the story that she has to be prepared to sleep with the hare to persuade him J Look, there’s the Hash Brew, his job to make sure there’s enough beer and to dole out the chups for the carges... which slip of the tongue is quickly spotted by the Circle and prompts the B-I-M-B-O song into which she has been type-cast.
One more charge from the ex-GMs... seems this has been burning for some time... for Fake Virgin, apparently not the only thing fake... how is it he got the Rookie of the Year award for only 3 showings, when PML got to GMs without it? Never mind dear, you are obviously fast track material J “Here’s to short cutters, they’re true blue...”
Finally in the MW2 slot, it seems that Sooch has been conducting some academic research on the brand of running shoe worn by influential people, from LKY downwards... New Balance is the make of preference... so if you want to go Up the Organisation, that’s the one! “Here’s to the observant one, she’s true blue”
Nearest to a PSA, Airborne had been to visit Captain Red Arrow at his istana just outside Jakarta. As well as bringing greetings, he announced there would be a 70th Birthday Run on 21st March 2020, in home territory which is perfect Hash country. All Lion City Members are welcome and details will be announced shortly.
First AOB from Wonton... Sooch is not the only observant one, PML was drinking from a coffee mug, but it ain’t coffee she’s scoffing, but red wine... shades of the days in Brunei when we used to go to Chinese tea shops where the teapot filled the cup that cheers not with tea! But the charge didn’t stop there, and Cherry Picker is called in for being a proxy stand-in for PML in the StanChart Marathon “They’re the meanest, they suck...”
Cherry Picker’s sins don’t stop there, says Awesome 4some, who reported she had seen him going to great lengths to avoid shiggy. And Stash, what was the point of wearing long socks in the town? And getting lost... this led to GM CB having to defend himself. Corralling the wet ducks, he cycled out to the remote limits of the run, found Stash and gave good instructions for getting home. Sadly, Circle Jerk came along with a different slant, and thus it was they came in about 20 minutes after everyone else...”B-I-M-B-O...”
As usual, Stash had his excuses, “Paper that was transparent, hamster poo that was invisible so that’s why I lost the trail”. He tried to get directions to Clementi Stadium from a security guard who told him to look for 100 trees... actually it was 100-Threes but there you are, that’s Singlish for you. “Here’s to confused directions...”
At which point it had got to 8.30pm, and since all were keen to put their umbrellas away, it was ON-ON-ON to a great meal curated (seems to be the word of the moment) by the 3 hares.
Friday 13 Dec 2019
A Hydraulic Run
Run Site: Clementi Stadium
Hares: Chastity Belt, Wanky Pooh & Dirty Groper
On-on: SP Foodcourt, Clementi Ave 3.
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 21 of which 18 Members ( 8F, 10M)
Virgins: Yea, verily, but one
Guests & Returnees: (0F, 3M) The D Groper being Guest Hare
Circle Scribe: Airborne Photos: Count Dracula
With half Lion City membership away with the Kampong Hash on a Thai island, it was a challenge from the outset to get a decent crowd together. With a fair wind, possibly, but a fair wind there was not, instead, rain dogged both the trail laying and the run itself, going into overtime for the Circle. This was rain with stamina, that lived up to the motto Never Give Up. Fortunately, at least 18 hashers are made of the same stuff, and turned out to challenge the gray skies. Hares did their best to work around the wet, with hamster chips, bog roll and strategically placed chalk, whilst bicycle-borne Chastity Belt, and Dirty Groper on foot, were shepherds. Their best efforts were not enough to stop folks getting lost at the far end of what was quite a long run, taking in Jurong Reservoir as well as Sungei Pandan. The early dark didn’t help, either.
When GM gurgled “Circle Up” there were still a few stragglers about but eventually all the chickens were in the pen. Stand-in GMs was Smell Me and practicing her Hash Etiquette when the hares were called for the customary inquisition... WDWTOTR ??? came up. “Too Dry”, came a shout. “Too much chalk” came another. There was some grumbling from the likes of Stash who was last in with Circle Jerk, but given the stoicism of the hares in the horrible weather, the verdict had to be GOOD RUN! Here's to hares, they're true blue..."
Tell us about your on-on? Over the bridge and turn left, walk a bit, says Chastity Belt. 18 courses at $25 ... OK don’t panic, it’s really 8 at $12 with 2 boo twottles of beer per table.
Next Week’s Hares: Awesome 4some stands in for Posh Pussy, whose birthday run with co-hare Sperm off Ice will start from Tagore Industrial Lane, On-on at Hwa Seafood.
VIRGIN... yes, we had Victor Virgin (sounds like a Richard Branson start-up), a long-legged guy with a mop of hair (okay, so I’m jealous - Scribe) who was made to come by Puck Me Lately (I’m even more jealous). Victor turns out to be a natural Hasher with the right mix of fitness and vulgarity... a good thing, because PML went racing away with the FRBs leaving him to sink or swim... will he come again? Probably! Here’s to virgins, they’re true blue...”
GUESTS & RETURNEES ... and Dirty Groper (trainee hare) is joined by Microscopic and Victor Virgin (to make up the numbers) and be serenaded with They’re no bl**dy use to anyone...”
HARE WHIP: Dirty Groper gives himself a pat on the back for successfully marking the way through the HDB maze, then calls in Cherry Picker. Whilst DG was shepherding lost runners, CP was hanging around “I don’t want to short cut...” but if one was offered he wasn’t going to refuse, was that it? J “He’s the meanest...” Where’s the inevitable co-hare charge? Here it comes, fromChastity Belt, who had trouble with DG not re-appearing after a rain break ... when the rainfall peaked, CB & WP stopped in a coffee shop until it abated. DG was seemingly unable to adapt to cohare interruptus and constantly had to be prompted by phone. “Here’s to variable timekeepers...”
“Now it’s time for...” says CB. “What’s it time for?” asks Smell Me.
MYSTERY WHIP of course... Running S#t barges Cherry Picker away. “No, it’s not you, it’s me!” Not calling in the GM, but GMs, Smell Me. RS described the contortions she got into, trying to avoid the rain whilst changing in the shelter of her car boot.
Crossovers, the subject of RS next charge, are much talked about these days, mostly gender crossovers, with cross dressers and political crossing the floor also in the picture. But Cherry Picker’s was a different kind of crossover, with traffic lights and pedestrian crossings a-plenty, he broke the rules and ran the gauntlet of traffic in a forbidden zone ”He’s the meanest...”.