Time for the Mystery Whip, and it's Cumpuss, who begins by lambasting the absent Puck Smuggler. "He's been bugging me for weeks, I kept telling him I'm busy". Eventually her conscience begins to bite. "I feel sorry for this b*starred so I agree to come to this run - but he's not here!". The Circle sympathises: "He's the meanest, he sucks..."

Having done with the GM, Cumpuss has a charge forPoKai. "How long have you been a member of this Hash? and other Hashes? How many runs set?" PoKai agrees that it's a big number. "So this was to be a long run, a runners' run? After all this time you're still looking for a rich old man?" "She's all right, she's all right..."

POTW is still MIA (this is a great pity, since there are many deserving recipients of the award, who should be listed even if the trophy is not around - Scribe)

Now it's time for the Mystery2 whip but Pokai seems to be enjoying fringe benefits from being stand-in Hash Brew...bottled up, she interrupts to herald the arrival of her two sweepers, Fawlty Towers and Fawlty Bush. Give 'em a D-D "Here's to sweepers, they're true blue..."

Finally Running Sh*t is allowed to get on with his whipping, and calls in the GM & GMs for not keeping control of the proceedings: "Who's running this Circle?". He's struggling for inspiration due to having been tasked at the last minute (becoming a hash habit, it seems - Scribe), but lights on Bibrator's fashion pink socks, seems they're becoming trendy. "B-I-M-B-O"

Next in the stocks is Wonton, for creative reasoning as to why the family should buy a new car. "The engine's making funny noises, so we have to replace the car..." The reality is that the Government is giving a $5000 hand-out to buyers of Euro 6 low-emission cars. B-I-M-B-O again, - but not totally, it seems.

Before Running Sh*t is allowed to leave the circle, Cherry Picker looks to get his revenge. Running Sh*t is known as an inveterate SCB ... but not the top rank apparently, for this night Sooch out did him with a smarter cut than his own. "Beaten by a woman... Drink it down-down-downdown."

GMs Voting Bitch calls in Stash for expertise on Guido fashions. He’s been overheard to comment that PoKai’s compression socks “make her look very Guido”. Now if you’re from Noo York you’ll know that Guido stylists like black leather jackets, heavy gold chain neckwear and hair done in a quiff… does Stash have Guido leanings? Check the hair…”Here’s to compression socks, they’re true blue…”

Any Other Business: Coo Chi Coo was seriously tempted by PoKai's short skirt but put off by the undershorts beneath, that he felt spoilt the view. "I would like to kill the guy who invented these shorts..." (in UK girls' boarding schools they're known as "passion killers"...probably invented by a woman-Scribe)..."They ought to be publically..."

AOB Cherry Picker called in all the Germans - six including himself,Machine, Ayam Zinking and three visitors. "They're all right, they're all right..." Wilkommen in Singapur!

AOB Cherry Pickeragain, Roo Rooter is hammered for being smelly – he can't shower, can't

drink beer so has to take a water D-D - all because of getting a tattoo. "All Australians are born illegitimate..."

AOB from Ayam Zinking who also charges all the Germans, but for shortcutting, but "Here's to short-cutters, they're true blue..."

AOB from Juicy Pussy, who was surprised looking at the 2007 commemorative brochure for the LCHHH 25th Anniversary. She called in Machine, Running Sh*t, Stash, Circle Jerk, Chicken Sh*t, Strapless, G-String & Wonton, for a D-D to ask if they photoshop-ped the 2007 pics to make themselves look older then? "Here's to the young ones, they're true blue..."

Final AOB from Stash who calls in PoKai for the longest T-check ever, which added a whole km to the run...next time… "Get a man, get a man, get a man-man-man..."

And at 8.47 pm GMs called "On-on-on!"

Circle Report- Run 1847

The No Male Consultant Run

Date: Friday 18th August 2017

Run Site: Lorong Sesuai

On-on: Red Lanntern

Hares: PoKai & Bibrator

Total Run/ Circle Attendance:             51, of which 39 Members ( 18 F, 15 M)

Virgins:                                               3 (1 F, 2 M)

Visitors & Returnees:                          9 (4 F, 5 M)

New Member:                                      Promises, promises

Milestones to be awarded soon

Next Week’s Hares:                             Wet Landing & Harvey

Run Site:                                             Pakistan Rd Car Park

On-On:                                                1036 Sembawang Seafood

Circle Scribe: Airborne. Photos: Bibrator

Apart from the GMs Voting Bitch double-hatting as Hash Cash, so many stand-ins appeared for tonight’s circle: firstly Cherry-Picker for GM, and as Hash Brew, PoKai. With other substitutes appearing during the Circle proceedings, it could be called Look-Alike Night.

What did we think of this all-girl, no male intervention Run? It was rather long, (8.7km) and though the terrain was quite Hasher-friendly, had some unusual features, like the longest T-check backs in history, use of the same trail marking as the SAF and other techniques drawn from the “not recommended” part of the Guidelines. Come the vote, voices were evenly divided between Hash Shit ("Why were they born so beautiful...") and Good Run, in the end it boiled down to who could shout loudest and with GMs Voting Bitch out of the running because Judge, PoKai and her songsters won … so it wasGOOD RUN, and “Here’s to Hares, they’re true blue…”

Where's your on-on? Need we ask? The hasher's favourite hang-out, Forture Seafood, but with a specially souped-up menu created by Bibrator.

Next Week's Hare: another stand-in, this time it's 8.24 on behalf ofWet Landing and the mysteriously invisible Harvey, who, it seems, can only be seen by the virtuous. Well, that lets out the LCHHH membership :) The site is Pakistan Road Car Park and the on-on will be 1036 Sembawang Road Seafood Restaurant.

Virgins: we were favoured by three, one girl (Gemmie) and two guys Stefan & Travis. Who made you come? We did it by ourselves (???) ... with the help of the www. Will you come again? No hesitation: "Yes, we will!". At this point there was a slight reduction in euphoria as a phone rang & one of the virgins (in a JP Morgan T-shirt) pulled a forbidden device from his pocket and began a conversation with his daughter. "They ought to be publically ..."

3 Guest Girls: we had Fawlty Bush (still out on the trail sweeping) Mother Tongue, Trudy & Ying, along with Guest Men Dead Fish (a second coming?) Dirk, Eberhard, Stevie and Telecum. "Here's to visitors, they're true blue..."

Onward to Hare Whip, and PoKai puts down the Hash Brew tray momentarily, but then is interrupted by a commotion,Handbag arrives at 8.15pm, about half an hour after the last of the hash walkers... give him a D-D!

But it takes more than one late arrival to put PoKai off her stride and soon she is looking for …yet another a look-alike, this time for Awesome Foursome. Not sure what was the abuse, but anyway stand-in GM Cherry Picker has one for her … multiple transgressions in N Parks territory. This is backed up by GMs Voting Bitch since she's registered as the contact for N Parks and will be the first to be hit by fallout. "She ought to be publically ..."

With Hare Whip temporarily quiet, GMs Voting Bitch seizes the moment to come up with a public service announcement concerning the 35^th Anniversary proceedings, the run being on 24th November and the Dinner & Dance the following day. Save the dates!