Mystery Whip was Handbag, he called in the hares to complain about last year's T-shirt, which seemed to be turning into Lycra having shrunk to fit him skin tight..."They're the meanest..."
Next charge was on Dog Sh*t as Tunnel Man, followed by a mysterious allegation about people who made things (unmentionable) from wax. At the end he had his own D-Ds.
Straight into Mystery2 Whip Cherry Picker, with a bumper bundle of 5 charges. First victim was GMs locum Stick Her Shock. Last week Dirty Hacker was paraded with other members of the 1000+ runs club, but this week he gets the T-shirt for 50 runs...B-I-M-B-O. (A second coming? -Ed).
Next up...Corny Linguist, who despite his Scottish origins, ran in a Singapore National Day shirt. Why? cos he doesn't like shirts with sleeves...Enter exhibit 1, last year's St Andrew's day T-shirt, complete with sleeves and designed by ...Corny Linguist..."He's the meanest..." A pair of victims next: Bibrator and Fawlty Bush, trying to hide together behind one of Isaac's small round beer trays because the sun was too hot, re-enacted by M2W (see photo). "They're all right..."
Then it was the turn of Impossible, who's been away for 6 months but seems to have aged 6 years... Not running the Sunday Standard Chartered Marathon, nor the half marathon nor the 10km run nor even the 500m kid's dash. He even skipped the run today. "Why was he born so beautiful..." Finishing the charges as he started, CP called back SHS for more flogging along with Circle Jerk, this time it was for shameless advertising of the Dog Hash at Jalan Lam Sam.
After M2W's marathon whipping, t'was time for TOTW and PS noted that sexual assault was much in the news lately, and it seems to have come to the Hash. "Since I don't have Twitter, I have to tweet publically...At the D&D I was heavily petted - who led all the ladies?Bibrator." So the miscreant gets the robe of office. "She's all right, she's all right..."
GM also called in Trolley Dolly for violating Hash etiquette and turning up in smart city clothes. At which point "Lorry lorry" cut short any further abuse, and it was into...
AOB first up was No Good, who loves the Scottish run. She wanted to call in Dog Sh*t but he'd done a runner so all the Scots appeared instead. "I saw a sign: "Drink Stop", but there was no drink!" Explanation: it was borrowed from last week. "They're the meanest, they suck..."
Following on, Corny Linguist had two alleged identity thefts, first by Tight Lips who wanted to list him as a Security Engineer when in fact he is a Structural Engineer. Next Cherry Picker, who had 3 Scottish T-Shirts but wouldn't lend one to CP. "He stole my identity!!"
Guest Bugs had something to say but was shouted down for talking rubbish and given a D-D.
Guest Tiger Lily called in Sweet Thighs along with the Hares. Seems there was a secret hare along with the rest...a gap on the trail was so narrow that none of the big butch hares would have been able to get through. Call in the fairy..."She's all right..."
AOBfrom Bully: why does our GM wear a St George's Day shirt when it's St Andrew's Day?
Goody Bag: every Friday the same two people bother me, so come in Bibrator & Fawlty Bush. They always call "Wait for me" but they never wait for me. Today stopped for Banana tree, love all the vitamins and nutrition, ...
Malfunktion summoned a cast of thousands: Shoeless, Astronut, Ditch, Handbag, Count Dracula, Sharon Batu, Shipyard Flasher Cherry Picker Saliva, Butt Wiper, Sweet Thighs, Corny Linguist, Dirty Hasher, all wearing Scottish T-shirts but only Sweet Thighs has the kilt... "She's all right..."
Tight Lips to the hares: "I'm having to wear an American T-shirt tonight because you lot didn't give us any Scottish gear." "They're the meanest..."
Coo Chi Coo: was surprised at the GM, speaking at the D&D in one of the last bastions of the British Empire, used as every 5th word "f*ck". But (true to the CCC stereotype) the D&D skit he liked most was Goody Bag's fake orgasm, so can we have a repeat? Come in GB along with SHS, and SYF who duly obliged (to the amazement of a few innocent passers-by, no doubt-Ed)
Corny Linguist called in the Aussies to crow. In the Rugby Union World Cup they stole a victory from Scotland, but the gallant Scots got revenge at the HK Sevens by trouncing them 53-23.
Final AOB from PoKai, charging Tiger Lily and Puck Me Lately with being blur. Well, they don’t seem to be unduly worried about it.
After which it was ON-ON-ON! at 8.50pm
Circle Report – St Andrew’s Day Run 1862
Date: Friday 1st December 2017
Run Site: Alexandra Village
Hares: Bagless, Cunning Linguist, Dog Sh*t, Shoeless & Malfunktion
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 56 of which 43 Members (F 23 & M 19)
Virgins: None present
Visitors & Returnees: 13 (5F, 8M)
New Member: Not this week
Milestones Rookie of the Year (Prick Me)
Next Week’s Hares: Puck Smuggler, Puck Me Lately
Run Site: Lorong Sesuai
On-On: Red Lantern
Circle Scribe: Cherry Picker, Photos: Count Dracula
St Andrew’s Day Run, and a sunny evening attracted a good crowd both of Hashers and Hares, (five of them!), but despite the number of hares the run was rather short, all hashers missed one long loop of the run. All the runners having finished, GM Puck Smuggler & Stand-in GMs Stick Her Shock started the circle early at 7.53pm. First grumble from the Circle: why, on this day of Scottish celebration was the GM wearing an English St George T-shirt and & GMs a Dog Hash one? Who's wearing the Scottish garment?
Hares were called in but only Corny Linguist, Malfunktion & Shoeless could be found, Bagless and Dog Sh*t were still MIA on the trail somewhere. What did we think of the run? So many hares but a short run, hares who couldn't find their way home, there was only one applicable Run Verdict: HASH SH*T!! "Why were they born so beautiful..."
Where's your on-on? You gave us Hash Sh*t so we'll cancel... Oh, maybe go to Hong Kong Kitchen." At which point one of the missing hares returned to welcoming insults from the circle, it was: Dog Sh*t. (Note: the on-on was not cancelled and was indeed at Hong Kong Kitchen).
Next week's run will be at Lorong Sesuai, the hares being the GM himself and his attractive young assistantPuck Me Lately. It’s the Santa Run so bring a present (unwrapped). Which prompted the GM to ask for volunteer(s) to set the run on 15th December. Some wag suggested a live hare run, with Running Sh*t up front.
Guests & Returnees: Women: Gemmi, Mata Hari, Suction Cup, Tiger Lily, Tight Lips; Men: Bugs, Butt Wiper, Dog Sh*t, Malfunktion, Samson Letoi, Shoeless, Spank Me,Telecum.
Hare Whip #1: Shoeless, wanted to call in those who complained about having to run up too many steps, but no-one owned up. So he summoned his co-hare Malfunktion, seems they went back to Shoeless place for a shower, whereon the scouse lad moaned he had lost a stone (6.4kg) that day..."Who ate all the pies..."
Hare Whip #2: Malfunktion, getting his own back, reported Shoeless (living up to his name) had a shoe fall apart. No-one could find another to fit so he laid the run in one pink and one blue shoe..."Here's to trendy, he's true blue..."
Hare Whip #3: Corny Linguist noted 3 of the hares came in as guests, I'm a real member but wasn't even laying the run. All the guests set the run..."Here's to guest hares..."
Enough of the Hare Whips, GMs Stick Her Shock announced that one annual award was deferred from the D&D cos the winner was away sailing with an ex-GM. Back again, Prick Me was declared Rookie of the Year and awarded the trophy. "She's all right..."
Of POTW there was no sign, it was rumoured to be in Japan so award was deferred.