Circle Report- Run 1879

Ayam Zinking’s Wedding Run

Date: 30th March 2018

Run Site: Lorong Sesuai

On-on: Red Lantern Wedding Receptions Inc

Hares: Ayam Zinking, Corny Linguist, Butt Wiper


Total Run/ Circle Attendance:   89, of which 46 Members ( 24 F, 22 M)

Virgins:                                  Yes, loads of ‘em

Guests & Returnees:                43 (19 F, 24 M)

New Member: Re-joiners…

Milestones Still waiting for T-shirt re-supply

Next Week’s Hares: Cunni Lick Her, Teeny Weeny Willie & Comes First

Run Site: Mount Faber Car Park A (TBC)

On-On: TBC


Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers, Photos: Count Dracula

And so at 7:50pm, Puk Smuggler and Shipyard Flasher call the circle to gather round. Seems someone is anxious to get to the altar, or is it the rest of us anxious to get to the bar? It’s Ayam Zinking’s wedding run, and do we have a virgin (other than the soon to be Mrs. Ayam Zinking?) On in about 20 of the bride’s friends and family - here’s to the virgins, they’re true blue.... Returnees and guests? About another 20+ soon-to-be members surge forward and our beer man and Hash Brew are doing a great job to fill them all up. Drink it down, down, down, down!


Our esteemed GM’s invite the hares in, to a cacophony of party horns from the 90- odd strong crowd. And what did we think of the Ayam Zinking and Corny Linguist’s wedding run? Too short (hang on, he’s not married yet?), too many steps, not enough Pimms, all a bit premature? But of course it’s declared a resoundingly good run, so here’s to the hares, they’re true blue...... And tell us about the wedding reception? It’s at the Red Lantern, live music by the Crock of Sh#t band, and $12 for the feast, plus beer and champagne and T shirts for 9 tables – another record - well done hares!


And do we have a Hare Whip? Indeed we do, but is there also a translator in the house? According to Corny Linquist, the heavy rain was all a bit much for his not entirely Germanic co-hare, so they decided to have a break for a while. And what did the German drink? Only the best of British tea? He’s alright, he’s alright, he....


Controlling the enormous circle with ease, our leaders call for a Mystery Whip… After a few falsies, on in Trolly Dolly wielding the Trump T shirt and a weapon of mass destruction. First in is Rooning Sh#t for the slick member transfer to TD last week. Next calling for Tiger Lily, who is apparently changing into her virgin whites. TD - why is TL so fit and has quite good English? Because in 1992, she used to get up at 5am, to do a yoga class and English lessons - because she likes to climax early - yes, yes, yes. Let’s give the non-English speaker and the Rooning Sh#t a note......


Now we need lookalikes - Puul Toy for Kim Jong Un (but he is indisposed, so its Stick Her Shock), Butt Wiper for Trump in drag, Hooray for Xi Jinping, andBack Beard for Putin. And their crimes? Kim Jong Un for catching the train to China to see Xi Jinping and Putin for expelling everyone. But it’s Trump who is the only person to pay a porn star to keep her mouth closed - B.I.M.B.O...... And so stay in the wigged and drag queen Trump, who uncharacteristically hasn’t said a word this week. And who’s behind Trump - its Melania of course, and so it’s on in the new Kampong GM - Tight Lips, to be the proud custodian of the ToTW - She’s all right, she’s all right, she’s......


And now to time to offload the Pr#ck? Where’s Goody Bag? Pampering herself, so let’s have a lookalike - on in Deep ThroatGB to TD on the run - you’ve lost weight - now you’re big and hard. And so the PoTW goes to Deep Throat for Goody Bag - sharing the good times for all…


Do we have a next week’s hare? It’s Cunni Lick Her who’s saved the day for LCH3. Most likely Mount Faber, car park A – “He’s the meanest...”


And now it time for the vows, and a fully frocked Corny Linguist enters as the Religious Advisor (I think he has found his true calling). “Dearly beloved....” and where’s our groom - done a runner already? On in Ayam Zinking in the full bridal gear with Tiger Lily happily giving him away, and Alicia as the groom with a moustache that would put John Bolton to shame.Sperm Off Ice is the best man dressed as a woman, and Coo Chi Coo and Cherry Picker as flower girls, showering the smelly circle with rose petals.


And so it begins - Corny Linguist “ Beerly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of the pack to commit into hashful mattress harmony, this harriette and harrier... (see below for the full hilarious transcript).


Before he can join these two for here and ever after, our Religious Advisor tells us it’s time to reveal and confess if there is any reason these two shouldn’t be joined in wholly mattressmony? On in four of our most (until now) considerable virgins - Goody Bag, Tina Tuna, Posh Pussyand No Good, who surround the groom (ie: the one with the veil), and disrobing and protesting, reveal term 3 pregnancies and demanding recompense from the groom. And to add to the pandemonium, is Stick Her Shock, bringing in Puul Toy as a Michelin Man baby, complete with cigar and teddy bear “Junior, meet your daddy!” And our Religious Advisor asks - do we have a small problem here?


But as the GMs restore order, it’s time to start the beginning of the end… “Do you Ayam Zinking, take this harriette as your awfully bedded wife?” “Do you Alicia, take this harrier for better or for worse....until the beer runs out or you find a better one?” “Bring unto me the rings”, and Tiger Lily comes forward, and placing the rings on the wrong fingers, our erstwhile and unperturbed RA pronounces – “By the power infested in me, I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Ayam Zinking. We may now all kiss the bride.”


And the snow descends on Lorong Sensuai, the circle bursts into ‘Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager..... A tunnel of love is formed, and the happy couple head off for a quickie in the Lady Boy-provided VW Combi van, en route to the wedding reception.


But despite the frivolities, we still have AOB to attend to? On in Back Beard to announce this Sunday’s Egg Head Run - get yourself to Tao Payoh Industrial Park and look for Easter Eggs - they’re the meanest....


The wedding MC – Pokai – first calls in Lady Boy for talking whilst she is trying to charge, then Corny Linguist for grumbling about his XL T shirt size and Circle Jerk also for complaining he couldn’t fill out a XXL – “B/s, b/s, it all sounds like b/s to me, to me...”


Parting the circle like Moses, so the scribe could see what on earth was happening, Shipyard Flasher asks us who was the prettiest flower girl? Was it Cherry Picker? CooChiCoo or SoI in drag with a fag in his mouth? And it’s CCC’s wig that wins the day - Why were they born so beautiful...


Cunni Lick Her casts our minds back three weeks (that’s an eternity in hash life), when Trolly Dolly was missing in action, and Pokai and Cumpuss decided to lay the run from different directions, and meet up in the middle, with arrows pointing to each other??? B-I-M-B-O...... And after that same run, on the following Monday, CLH was on the bus and noticed paper on Jalan Baru. So he tells Pokai, who promptly messages SoI to pick up! Do the job yourself - they’re the meanest....


And as it’s the end of the quarter, Count Dracula politely reminds us to pay our effing subs…


On in Posh Pussy, to recount the Ayam Zinking love story – it’s been 15 years a-courting, but why now? Because of the fear of the HDB? But according to a confused Tight Lips, it was the CBD – B-I-M-B-O....


And so it came to pass, that at 8:45pm, with a third barrel gone, and the Combi beginning to shake, it was time for on on on…! Thanks, to the GM’s, hares, religious advisors, skit participants and organisers – for a great circle, and an even better on-on, the likes of which the Red Lantern hasn’t seen before. And a special thank-you to the Singapore Constabulary who closed down Crock of Sh#t promptly at 11pm and consequently saved millions of brain cells…but for some that was just the cue to head to OT - on on on on…


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And don’t forget to check out the HHH Chapter News, you might miss something _



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As promised, here are the contents of The Rood Book which seems to have been uncovered by painstaking excavation of the Religious Adviser’s posterior cerebral hemisphere…




The Entrance of the Bride (with kazzoos?)

The Welcome

Thank you flower girls…

Beerly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of the The Pack to commit into Hashfull mattress harmony this harriette and this harrier. This couple have chosen to end their solitary ways and forsake the need for technology in the bedroom in favour of this honourable state. We are witnesses today that more powerful than the love that lives between them is the fear of the HDB, who said that if they didn’t get married then they wanted their house back. It is my pleasure today to provide the religious advice necessary to ensure continuous harmony in the

runs to come.


The Prayer

We shall now say a prayer for the hopeful couple (repeat after me)…

Our lager, which art in barrels

Hallowed be thy drink

Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)

In the circle as in the pub

Give us this day our foamy head

And forgive us our spillage

As we forgive those who spill against us

And lead us not into incarceration

But deliver us from hangovers

For thine is the Heineken, the wine, and the Carlsberg

Forever and ever, Barmen


The Impediments

As at that time of that great circle in the sky I call on you to reveal and confess any just cause or impediment why you may not be joined in Hashfull bondage. That is with the exception of the artificial hairy chest that you, AZ, have yet to confess. And you A need not mention the use of the soy sauce you used to entice the groom into mutual nuptial gratification.

AND if any of the congregation gathered here today know of any just cause or impediment why they may not be bundled up together for life of holy mattress moaning let them speak now or forever hold their piece.


The Vows

This day signifies a beginning of the end for both of them. It is end of AZ’z ability to come and go as he pleases, innocently flirting without repercussion and making up his own mind whether to have another pint. It is the beginning of A knowing where AZ is every night.

(to The Bride) – do you take this Harrier to be your lawfully bedded husband…in long grass and in shiggy…to treat him as well as you would treat a dog… and to keep beer in the fridge at all times… until you find someone better?

(to The Groom) – do you take this Harriet to be your lawfully bedded wife, for better or for worse,…through good trails and bad… on bad hare days and on good,…and in positions submissive or dominant,…until the beer runs out?...You can think about it, longer if you wish…


Bring forward the rings that will seal this union….These rings are a symbol of AZ’s and A’s devotion, a commitment to shared trails, twisted ankles, aching limbs and missing socks. By the power vested in me by my own state of inebriation I now mispronounce you Mr and Mrs Zinking.

We may all now kiss the Bride


The congregation shall now be upstanding and sing… (Tune - Battle Hymn of the Republic)


His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail,

His ears have heard the whining of the wingeing hashers' tale,

His lips have felt the passing of the nations finest ale,

This hasher's done it all

Glory, glory, Ale and Lager!

Glory, glory, Ale and Lager!

Glory, glory, Ale and Lager!

Now drink it down, down, down!


Let us now form a tunnel of love to speed the happy couple onward…

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Run 1879
Ayam Zinking Wedding run

Circle Report- Run 1879

Ayam Zinking’s Wedding Run

Date: 30th March 2018

Run Site: Lorong Sesuai

Hares: Ayam Zinking, Corny Linguist, Butt Wiper


Run Report: Corny Linguist

There was a wonderful run on Friday. Well it could have been better if, after the first three quarters of laying the trail, the rain had not come down so hard that it washed away all of the marks for the previous 5.6km.


Ayam Zinking and Corny Linguist were in a state of despair when all that could be done was to go and have a nice British cup-of tea and wait for it to stop. And so it was that at 5.15 that there was no trail, a crowd of around 100 assembling and two frantic hashers taking off in opposite directions to try and find where they had been before.


The GM was left to point in the right direction and the large pack took off down a little lane that shall remain nameless in case the owner reads this and takes offence. After a good start the trail went right and then left.


By then the less experienced members of the pack were left wondering what this was all about. But they pressed on into the post downfall gloom. Many made the whole course, but even more did not having to revert to GPS and following the more experienced guides who kindly stuck with the newcomers. Eventually all was well, hashers new and old returned to be greeted by a circle of exceptional style and the trail was completely cleared of all markings within 90 minutes of being set. It even achieved the honorable title of ‘good run”.


 On On against the odds.


Run 1879 more pictures