And looking lost, Puk Smuggler asks “who has the Pr#ck? On in our very own Goody Bag, with a bulging Fanny pack? “Somebody stole the Pr#ck she exclaims” b/s, b/s, it all sounds like..... Bringing in her first contestant - Trolley Dolly, Goody Bag gives us a very descriptive and visual explanation of the Pr#ck. You know what it looks like? You know what it feels like? Starting at the top, Goody Bag highlights his bald head and firm and hard midriff - he’s definitely a contender. And on to contestant number two. Attending the Hariettes AGM run, our haberdash was certain it would be a T shirt run? But delving into her fanny pack, GB reveals a torch light as the ladies freebie of choice. And so it transpired that our haberdash had to go through the circle and on on in a stinky, sweaty T shirt. Our 2nd contender said he would give her his T shirt (if he had a spare one, which he didn’t), and then smelling well perfumed, proceeded to pour his excess shower water down the drain. You know who you are - get in here. And a somewhat coy Fawlty Towers nervously steps forward. And seeking the democratic views of the circle, it seems the Fawlty one is taking home something extra tonight. But thankfully, our GM asserts his waning authority. If you don’t have the Pr#ck, how can you give it away? Just like at pre school, it you take a toy out of the box, you have to put one back, so to speak. And so with cries of ‘keep the Pr#ck’ GB is sent searching, and FT breathes an enormous sigh of relief…
ToTW? He’s away, so Puck Smuggler brings us the latest (it’s never fake) news. Trump has fathered a secret love child, and then they paid the doorman (was that doorknob?) $30k to STFUp. So calling in the rowdy, loud, boisterous one’s, it’s on in Awful F#k, Ayam Zinking, the Irish Astronut, Rooning Sh#t and Cherry Picker. Which one is Trump’s secret child asks PS? And its unanimous – “Here’s to the Cherry Picker love child, he’s true blue...”
And now, it really is time for the Mystery, Mystery Whip. And making a bee line across the circle, it’s Ditch, then Cherry Picker, Rooning Sh#t, Bully, and even the guest - Awful F#k gets in on it. But the refilled Cherry Picker comes back and charges the hare – No Rection. Apart from the Irish, everyone has made an effort to be Dutch, but his shirt bears no resemblance to the home of the dyke - he’s the meanest.... Next it’s our outgoing committee – are they all bimbo’s? - on in Voting Bitch, Puk Smuggler and No Rection. Our commander in chief - VB, keeps a very well updated attendance list, for committee members planning in advance to attend each run. CP diligently declared he would be absent on the 6th of April. But that didn’t stop VB asking him to be stand in GM, nor PS asking him to be the MW? And No Rectionseems to have caught the blonde wave, telling all on the committee chat group on Wednesday evening, that he was running late for the final committee meeting, which was in fact on Thursday! B.I.M.B.O......
Now Cherry Picker shares he has a unique talent. It seems hasher’s can’t help themselves and reveal their real character to him. Puks Me Lately has revealed her meanie side again. WhenAyam Zinking trampled on the flower girl’s petite feet two weeks ago, PML burst into laughter (and so did the entire circle). But pulling herself together, she complemented CP on how sexy he looked as the flower girl. And so seizing the moment, CP asks “are you interested?’ And the meanie one’s reply? “If you were 20 years younger, and not pregnant....” Here’s to the lesbian, she’s true blue...”
AndVoting Bitch recalls she also was in the naughty corner on the 6th, and was seeking a stand in Mattress. And with most of the committee ladies away, Airborne chips in on the watsapp group asking “does it have to be a real woman?” And VB replies “yes, a drag queen is ok”. But then there was radio silence from our flying hasher? And trying in vain to explain himself, the man(?) in the dock is declared “He’s the meanest, he....”
AoB? Oh yeah. First up it’s In n Out - promising he has a real short one! Our previous GM who know’s what it’s like to try and run an unruly circle, brings in Coo Chi Coo for talking to the young and sexy Puck Me Lately (and what’s wrong with that?). Here’s to double trouble they’re true blue....
Holding the limelight, the exuberant PML tells us how she was caught at a busy crossing. And Rooning Sh#t gives her some sound advice - “Don’t take any risks”, and then promptly runs in front of a lorry. And PML declares - “don’t listen to him”, “He’s the meanest...”
Hooray comes forward - “I don’t usually do this” (and some wag calls out “good”). Hooray calls in Guest Show me your Tits. Our guest spent 15 minutes complaining about her ACL - Hooraythought he was in an orthopaedic ward. But after all “She’s alright, she’s alright....”
Next it’s Circle Jerk, and the topic is women’s clothing. How to get in, how to get out? Calling for
Goody Bag, who has departed in search of the Pr#ck, it’s on in an excited11 as the look a like. CJ then relays how Coo Chi Coo had sportingly commented on Goody Bag’s looks - “that’s a nice, tight, orange T shirt, and very short shorts, and a very nice fanny pack, but no pockets to put anything in? So CCC is handed 11’s enormous phone, and sent in search of a pocket to put it in. Here’s to the pocket less, she’s true blue...
And so, at 8:38pm, with no beer left, and a starving pack, it was on on up the hill, for seafood and loads of Heineken. Well done hares, well done GM’s, what other way would you spend a Friday night in Singapore, on on on.
Circle Report- Run 1881
Holland King’s Run
Date: 13th April 2018
Run Site: Tagore Drive
On-on: Xian Seafood
Hares: Posh Pussy (invisible) Count Dracula, No Rection
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 46, of which 39 Members ( 17 F, 22 M)
Virgins: No fake news here
Guests & Returnees: 7 (3F, 4 M)
New Member: No
Milestones Still waiting
Next Week’s Hares: All the English, Trolley Dolly & Airborne
Run Site: St George’s Church Car Park
On-On: Registration & photo ID required
Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers, Photos: Count Dracula
And so at 7:54pm, Puck Smuggler and Voting B* call the sea of orange to order. And what did we really think of the run? Dutch, too little paper, too many clogs, not enough dykes, but in the end, it’s a surprisingly GOOD RUN! But there’s commotion in the circle as the Grand Mattress spills a beer on her sparkling eff me shoes. But it’s OK, as the hares have arranged three bottles of Heineken for every table for the on on (and as it subsequently turned out, also can(s), “They’re alright, they’re alright, they’ve got...”
Next week’s hares? The best of British? Trolley Dollyand remote controller Circle Jerk. Heathens, get yourself down to St. Georges Church for the Friday St. Georges day run. We’ve got Pimms, a joint Sunday T-shirt, and a proper on on with pints at an unmentionable place. Pre-register with Pokai, and bring your IC.
Observing the unruly nature of the crowd, PS asks, is this because we are nearing the end of our reign? On in the culprits - Bully and Rooning Sh#t – “They ought to be publically...”
VB has an announcement on the big upcoming weekend of hashing. “Saturday at 4pm, it’s our AGM”. Registration is at 3:30pm, the AGM, hangover run and a party. And for paid up members, it’s free, free, free. And as VBpleads for new committee members, Bully calls out “one more year”
And in the absence of virgins, let’s get our Guests in, Girls:After Hours, Dominator & Show Me Your Tits; Men: Dead Fish, Orful F#k, Shut the F#k Up & Windy Bar, and PS gives a special down down for the bloke in tailored long shorts and matching shirt - “it’s the hash mate”. “Here’s to the guests, they’re true blue...”
And do we have a Hare Whip? Thinking their job was done, No Rection steps forward saying he has to make it up? What’s new? So when in doubt, call in your co-hare. It seems the experienced Count Dracula has a fear of boars or is it bores (isn’t that why we all hash?). So he armed himself with a stick, and poking No Rection in the back, led fearlessly from the rear. “Here’s to the fearless one, he’s true blue...”
And now it’s time....for....the....Mystery....Whip? Is it Cherry Picker? No. Ditch? No. Strapless? May be? So, we are supposed to wear orange for the Prince’s run? But there’s some here who still think its St. Patrick’s day - on in Poser andAstronut. Here’s to the Irish, they’re true blue.... All Lion City hashers know to follow Strapless - he’s a local! But not Rooning Sh#t, he’s far too stubborn. And so it came to pass, that at a pretty obvious circle check, Strapless stood and observed, watchingRS running around like a headless chicken. “Here’s to the headless one, he’s true blue...” Next our local calls for some respect forCount Dracula, and calls in No Good? Opps, that’d be Too Good. Whilst always happy to run to the snack table, but tonight upon finishing her beer, Too Good who was well ensconced in her chair, offers the empty to Strapless to go get her another!! “Here’s to lazy bum.....”