And now it’s the guys taking it easy at the back of the pack, pretending to be intelligent, talking about beer? Give Strapless andStash another one, and a note – they’re the meanest….. And finally it’s Ditch, for his over enthusiastic assistance to the virgin at the drain. And a guest regales us with “We’ve got virgins on the hash….”
PML thinks Strapless deserves yet another beer (well done Count Dracula on ordering two kegs tonight), for trying to steal the credit of a woman, but somehow, our GM manages to (again) turn the charge on herself, and its B.I.M.B.O….
PoTW? PML claims to have seen it!, but its Cherry Picker on in swinging the shopping bag, and asking, “is it awarded to Rooning Sh#t or do I need to talk about it”? But he has someone else in his sights. Last week there were 57 hashers, but only two managed to follow Coo Chi Coo’s trail, one being our GM (not PML). And while 55 hashers called for a hash sh#t, our GM awarded good run in true hash democracy. Is Puck Smuggler a dictator? Doesn’t he care what his people think? Nooooo, he’s not a dictator, he has no effing balls, so I present him 2 black ones tonight – here’s to our GM, he’s true blue…
And for ballsing up the MMW, both GM’s get a down down and B.I.M.B.O. On in Fawlty Towers, who takes us back to last week, and Ayam Zinking’scharge, where he claimed to be an avid reader of the Straits Times. Seriously, who read that sh#t? But hang on says FT, Ayam Zinkingis quite an intellectual (b/s, b/s…). He has managed to evade the hierarchy of the HDB for the past 20 years, so maybe he is on to something. So FT picked up a copy of the Straits Times today. Being a true bastion of journalistic independence, surely it can’t contain fake news, and everything in it must be true, right? And so we hear the story, of Mrs. Ayam Zinking, waking at 4am, due to Ayam Zinking’ssnoring after a big night on the p#ss. But where’s the cat? Searching on the HDB balcony, Mrs. Ayam Zinking, feels something familiar brush against her leg – was that the Lion City Pr#ck? Upon further investigation behind the pot plants, Mrs. Ayam Zinking is shocked to be bitten on the leg by a 3M python! Calling out (whilst Ayam Zinking continued to snore his head off), his poor wife screamed for help. Someone called an ambulance, who called the police, who called the fire brigade, who called Wildlife Rescue, who pouring scalding water down the drain, forcing the python from the second floor to the ground via the down pipe, and all ended well (it’s all true, believe me). Here’s to our python man, he’s true blue…
ToTW? Ayam Zinking is back in, but he’s looking bewildered and lost – keep the Trump…… But he regains composure, and says “what I like about this guy, is he is so organised”. On in Puck Smuggler, for running like hell, doesn’t look left, doesn’t look right, and another hasher, also for being American – Tight Lips – you decide he says to the circle, and they respond again with keep the Trump. But the circle relent, and the vote goes to our GM, so he’s got the dreaded Quinella tonight – the Pr#ck and the Trump (one and the same?)
AoB? Cherry Picker, it’s your night. It seems CP’scompany used to be called M&W (was that for Man and Woman, or Mystery Whip?), but now it’s been renamed ‘Excite’? Should we now expect Exciting future charges and no more boring b/s??? Here’s to CP, he’s true blue….
On in, In n Out, who told the true story at the Harriet’s run, about a monkey videoed driving a bus in India. Having set the scene, In n Out continues, telling us about an horrendous bus crash in Nigeria, where sadly all the construction workers on board had died in the accident. Lacking any credible eye witnesses, the local Policeman is forced to ask a somewhat dazed monkey at the scene, what he saw? And the monkey imitates the construction workers, singing, drinking and shagging. And what were you doing asks the Policeman? And the monkey responds, imitating steering the bus! He ought to be publically…..
Stash enters the fray, and asks, did we have 3 hares tonight, or was it 2 hares and an imposter? On in the visiting Sh#t Fit, who had no f idea where the trail went, but knew all about the hop on/hop off bus? Fake hare chimes in PML! Here’s to the Fit one, he’s true blue…
Pr#ck Me calls in the human GPS who lived up to his name – on in Telecumfor leading the flightless bird home – he’s alright, he’s alright…..
Circle Jerk has a rare admission of error – “sometimes you get the opportunity of a lifetime, and you manage to fumble it”. And so it was today, I f’d it up. Being an English gentleman, I want women to throw themselves at me. And in the jungle tonight, whilst crossing the drain, Pucks Me Lately thought she was already flying to NY and threw herself across the drain at Circle Jerk, but he was facing the wrong way (PML – next time run backwards) – “She’s allright, she’s allright….
No Good calls in Tight Lips, who had injured her hand a few weeks ago. Tight Lips confided to No Good, “I can hold a hand, but I can’t hold a pr#ck”. Anyway, Butt Wiper is wearing a dress, so no need then? She’s alright….
Count Dracula has an announcement – sign up for a night of debauchery at the RSYC, and come to our DnD – it’ll be a cracking night out
And for our last charge, its Corny Linguist. “It’s wonderful to come to the hash and enjoy one’s little fantasies”? On in Butt Wiper, who had been noticed by our visitor lady, as having a somewhat attractive ass (get her another beer). Would you like a little fondle or would you prefer to whack it, asks CL? And as our guests obliges, and Butt Wiper cries for more, more, she’s all right, she’s all right….
And at 8:55pm, after two barrels and several boxes, it’s on on on, and time for some of Mr. Hoe’s best, and the hares free beers. Well done to the Sh#t Family, and to the GM’s for managing a big, fully charged circle. What a way to finish the week!!
Lion City HHH : Run 1908 Circle Report
Friday 12th October 2018 – Run 1908
Run Site: Bukit Batok Nature Park
Hares: Running, Chicken & S#t Fit
On-on: On Site – Mr Hoe
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 60 of which 46 Members (21 F, 25 M)
Virgins: One brave girl
Guests & Returnees: 14(3F, 11 M)
Milestones: Not this week
Next Week’s Hares: Durian Dog & Pokai
Run Site & On-on: see first page
Circle Scribe: Fawlty Towers Photos: Count Dracula
It’s 8:05pm, and welcome to run no. #1908. Hang on, didn’t Puck Me Lately just say #1907? B.IM.B.O…… Welcome in the Sh#t Fam – Rooning, Chicken and Fit – all the sh#ts. GM Puck Smuggler asks for a show of hands – who was back in over 60mins? 65mins? 69mins? 70mins, 75mins. According to our esteemed leader, the Sh#t Family run could have done with more paper and with some straggling back in after 90mins, had failed the time limit. And despite protestations from Cherry Picker, it was declared a technical hash sh#t, and lived up to the Family name (actually, it was a cracking run). They’re alright, they’re alright, they’ve got……
PML – oh yeahhh, we’ve got a virgin. On in Sarah – WDYTOTRun? She loved it and will come again – yes, yes, yes. She’s alright…
On in the guests or as some uncharitable soul suggested – the zombies? (Nonetheless, looking pretty pleased with themselves after the committee declared compensatory free beer). Join up you cheap skates and come every week. “Here’s to the future members, they’re true blue…”
Returnees? Shoeless, King Leer and Sh#t Fit – Here’s to the wise men, they’re true blue…..
PML asks – do we have a run next week Cherry Picker? “How the eff should I know, you’re the run master?” On in Pokai for the Durian Dog run, Queens Cresent – you know the drill…”
And do we have a hare whip? Of course it’s Rooning Sh#t – calling in Pays 2 Lately??? And Pucks Me Lately. Fanning the conspiracy flames, RS explains that Pays 2 Come was still MIA at 7:30pm, and PML was fretting asking RS – is he alright? Seems P2C finally made it in, and PML confided to RS that it would get a good run gong, only to be later overruled by her co-GM. NextRS calls in In n Out and Cunnilickher. Seems the self doubters had expressed their concerns to the hare – In n Out – is there jungle – I’ll have to short cut. Cunnilickher – I had a heavy night Wed with the hariettes, and can’t handle a long run tonight. “Here’s to the precious ones, they’re true blue…”
Co-hare whip – Sh#t Fit proclaims – it took days to lay the run – b/s, b/s, it all sounds like b/s to me, to me… Pressing on, Sh#t Fit explains about some whiners on the trail – Cunnilickher and something about setting his own run – here’s to the complainers, but they’re the meanest…..
Puck Smuggler breaks the awkwardness and calls in the man in the red dress – Butt Wiper. And as he announces the RDR on 27th Oct, from the 4 floors car park, Strapless flicks a bulge in the dress – tuck it in man…
And now it’s time for the Mystery Whip? Oh no it’s not, as Rooning Sh#t asks the rhetorical question – what about the on on? Pork, Chicken, Corn and Apple Pie and Ice Cream – except you Cherry Picker…
Bagless (the original one) steps in for whipping duty, and calls in Bully – who had moved his car after the run, to take up 1.5 spaces, and giving himself room for an ensuite behind the car, thereby obstructing traffic. And noticing the car beside was also parked like a learner driver, on in Coo Chi Coo (claiming he needed extra swinging room!). All Australians are born illegitimate….
Next the Scotsman (perhaps the only man who can legitimately wear a dress to the RDR?) calls in Pokai, who had some time ago, wrongly awarded the PoTW to Bagless. After the circle, Bagless explained to Pokai that he wouldn’t be here the next week, or in fact for the next 6 months! Keep the Pr#ck! Months later, Pokai spotted him in a shopping centre buying haggis, and demanded ‘her” Pr#ck back. She’s alright, she’s alright, she’s got a...”