For those who requested the words of Airborne’s ditty, here it is…
Oh, the Englishman is noted for his sang froid
Which translated means his usual bloody cold
And he loves his pipe and slippers
And the missus and the nippers
And he's happy simply growing old
And he never says a word if he can help it
That's why people say he's always full of phlegm.
He's quite unmoved by Donald Trump or tales of Kim Jong Un
He never speaks to strangers for it simply isn't done
But when hashing starts his fury's uncontrolled
The Englishman with his usual bloody cold.
Oh the Englishman could not be called romantic,
His technique is not particularly good
All the local Singaporeans Much enjoy a bit of whoring
But the Englishman's a suet pud.
And the slightest demonstration of affection,
He regards as being rather infra dig.
He says the way the Thais behave is absolutely nuts,
He'd like to try it really but he hasn't got the guts,
He's scared to death his mistess might be told,
The Englishman with his usual bloody cold.
Oh the Englishman has lots of little foibles
And some of them are really past belief
For he's still of the opinion
That the folk in each dominion,
All regard him as the big white chief.
But in spite of all his curious delusions
Underneath it all he has a heart of gold
And when the Armageddon comes and all the world is dust,
And men will come to judgment as we know they surely must,
He'll be there with his umbrella neatly rolled,
The Englishman with his usual bloody cold…AhhhChooo!
With apologies to lyricist & songwriter Paddy Roberts,
b. S Africa 1910 d UK 1975
Run Report- No. 1882
St George’s Day Run: 20th April 2018
Run Site: St George’s Church Car Park (back)
On-on: A favourite British watering hole
Hares: All the English:
Trolley Dolly, Airborne, Sir Long & Thin & Friends
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 56, of which 46 Members ( 24 F, 22 M)
Virgins: One hairy man
Guests & Returnees: 10(3F, 7 M)
New Member: No
Milestones Tonight’s the night…
Tomorrow’s Hares: Hooray, Voting B# & Teeny Weeny Willie
Run Site: Sentosa, Car Park Block B, Oneo15 Marina
On-On: Boater’s Bar nearby
Circle Scribe: Corny Linguist, Photos: Count Dracula
‘Twas a dark and Stormy night but the rain had passed down the drains and into memory of the drenched hares. A new quarter moon was finding a place between the clouds and the English Run 2018 had drawn to a successful, if somewhat soggy end. All were back – except one – the scribe for the night had not yet emerged and this humble wordsmith took up the mantle, a pen, a light and some parchment. Here follows the faulty memory of this, your witness.
The last of the summer wine was clearing as the run took off, much trail had been lost but yet foresight amounting to the use of plastic paper was unanimously voted to be GOOD RUN. The secret venue for the On On at the British High Com remained a secret.
Tonight was the last run of the year for the current committee and the last appearance of our GM’s seriously sparkly F…Me Shoes. Enthusiasm was expressed for seeing the new pair in the coming year. Dior, Choo or more JB?
Next week’s run, a B to A run finishing on Sentosa , was met with sufficient enthusiasm for the hare to possibly revise his plans - which will be revealed on line.
Your scribe is without names but a pair of rather hairy Virgins, or semi virgins, were brought to the circle. One “had a ball”. Will he be back? See next week’s thrilling episode.
Guests & Returnees: we welcomed Girls: After Hours, and returnees Tina Tuna & Shipyard Flasher, Men: Cereal Killer, Chicken Dicken, Lincoln, Miles, Ruchir, Sperm off Ice and Windy Bar.
Enter Trolley Dolly, equipped with an ironing board, of course. Of course he was just demonstrating his ability to multitask, simultaneously heating, straightening and steaming the fabric. But we are challenged: can couples multi-task? On in Rooning Shit with Wonton, CooChiCoo and No Good. Take glass in left hand, pass right hand between legs and grap partner’s left hand – and drink, thus demonstrating that men can multi-task just as well as women.
On in for the 7 noble tee shirt sponsors, could have been slightly more appreciated if the shirts had actually arrived, but … ho hum. Might also have been 8 if Trolly Dolly had not taken Airborne’s dulcet twang as coming from the Antipodes. The Pimms stop was much appreciated and the presence of some member of the upper classes disguised as a wellpolished Shipyard Flasherwas acknowledged with courtesy and bow. Trolley Dolly then returned with an impressive exemplar of contemporary English/Singaporean art, the rap, yes indeed, with lines that managed to rhyme EEE, HDB, MSG, OCBC, and NTUC. We were all stunned.
Only from this shaky ground did Airborne emerge with a that epitome of Englishness, the knotted handkerchief and a ditty of masterful construction that was at once sanguine but not romantic and included reference to suet pud. This masterpiece of unknown origin that should be shared around the Empire (it was…see later).
Mystery Whip emerged as Coo Chi Coo who berated the British diplomats for getting 63 days holidays per year by taking the local holidays of each country in the Commonwealth followed by an all-star cast recounting a tale of sex, a seaman and a 24 hour speaking clock.
Milestones for Juicy Pussy (50), Awesome Foursome & Airborne (100), Handbag (200) and a big 500 for Count Dracula. Had they been around, Circle Jerk (400) and Poser (900) would have got theirs too.
TOTW celebrated the Gold and Showers seen on the run. A short and lifeless PotW was returned to the circle by Goody Bag and awarded to Sway for dragging in her dilemma as to whether to attend tonight’s run before deciding not to but still turning up 5 minutes later.
Handbag, asMMW, regaled us with unbelievable reasons received by the Inland Revenue for not filing their returns on time. Apparently Pressie Trump recommended to Teresa May that perpetrators should be water-boarded. The best tax exile, Butt Wiper ( the slightly Swiss Singaporean) was selected and subjected to the hash version including beer to no effect, until he finally and predictably succumbed to a glass of water.
And it was ON ON On.