It’s a long time since we heard from POTW but finally Puck Me Lately is here with the plastic priapus. “It’s been to middle earth (NZ) – while I was there I got lots of WA asking about the P*k but none about me!” Seems there are many LCHHH members who miss the P*k, but we wonder who misses it most? PML would like to give the newly-weds Butt Wiper & Tight Lips a gift, “Congratulations on your wedding, and here’s your dick!!” “They’re all right, they’re all right...”
GMs has a public service announcement “Can I borrow your P*k? Look. The P*k is suffering from wear & tear and really needs replacement. Is anyone willing to sponsor a new one?” But after consideration the circle decides “It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s a teeny-weeny willie, but it’s all right”
Mystery2 whip is Chicken S#t and she wants to point up the crazy shopping behaviour of Australians over the threatened bog roll shortage – the family that ordered a container load, the panic at news of a truckload catching fire, the knife fight in the supermarket. Cue for song and a D-D for “All Australians are born illegitimate...”
Saliva reports a conversation over a substitute for toilet roll but more expensive – water? “B-I-M-B-O”. Sweet Thighs is unfazed by hoarding bum fluff “I ordered 42 rolls – my mother told me you can never have too much toilet paper...”
Guest Backbeard begins a host of PS Announcements with news of the Petaling HHH Hash Challenge which sounds like a lot of extreme stuff. As well as an International 40km T-3 Run, there will be a 25km individual ball-breaker. Date is4th July and teams should register by 1 May 20 to get early bird price. Details on the PHHH www.
Circle Jerk follows with news of the DASH tomorrow Saturday (sorry Newsletter too late).
Butt Wiper & Tight Lips invite all to their Hash Wedding Run on 14th March at 3.30pm from Dempsey Durian Stall car park, with an on-on a short walk away.
AOB from Wonton, she tells us about how difficult it has been for Stash to cancel his US Citizenship. Becoming a Singapore Citizen was a breeze, but to give him a Certificate of Loss of Nationality will cost $2000 and need endless form-filling. The Circle is not really sympathetic, and gives Stash the Hash Farewell with orders to hare the next National Day Run.
Saliva has a charge for Astronut and Poser, not sure what it was, as she was facing away from the scribe. By way of a quid pro quo GM Chastity Belt thanks Saliva for sharing her shower water but did it have to have such a high concentration of Dettol? Now he smells like a clinic.
AOB from Wanky Pooh who hauls in Comes Quietly, for causing her to get lost. She usually follows his shiny bald pate but he’s taken to wearing a black head cloth and this with his black running gear makes him invisible in the jungle “He’s the meanest...”. WP also has a rant at Coo Chi Coo and Stash for doubt, disbelief and male chauvinism – neither would accept that she was on paper when obviously she was. “They ought to be publically...”
At last AOB winds down, to scribe’s relief, he can now hand back the chair to its rightful owner (Thanks, Astronut) and refill the glass that’s been empty since Mystery Whip the First. Well done Hares for an interesting run and GMs for keeping the show on the road. On-on-on!
Friday 6th March 2020
Run Site: Sembawang Park
Hares: Bagless, Chili Balls,
Count Dracula & Too Good
On-on: 1036 LiveSeafood.
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 41 of which 33 Members ( 16F, 17M)
Virgins: Last week’s came again
Guests & Returnees: (4F, 4M)
Circle Scribe: Airborne Photos: Count Drac
It always take a bit longer than you think to get up to the far north of the island and so the less well organised – Circle Jerk & Durian Dog - started their runs half an hour late. GMs Voting B* & Chastity Belt called Circle Up! at 7.55 but had to give time for the Hash Brew to get his act together before calling in the hares.
So WDWTOTR? Apart from the usual grumbles from visually challenged front runners, there wasn’t much to complain about. A shade under 7km for the average SCB, through the park, along the beach, a nice long T Check for the FRBs then down the canal and some interesting twists & turns through unknown jungly bits at the back of US Navy land. Without much arguing the GM pronounced it GOOD RUN, “Best of the week” said one unwitty wit. “Here’s to hares, they’re true blue...”
Where’s your on-on?... for the benefit of late arrivals of course? 1036 Seafood on Sembawang Road, look out for the giant crab. No, chilli crab is not on the menu, and the $10 price tag is also fake news.
GMs called for Guests & Returnees, who wereGill, Laura, Pink Fanny, Reshma, Backbeard, Big Stick, Impossible & Myles. Please come again and, hopefully, join & pay some subs! “They’re the meanest...”
Do we have a run next week? Apparently no-one wanted to take the Friday 13th slot, so LCHHH had to be rescued again. This time the saintly one is Stash who, with manager Wonton, is not totally triskaidekaphobic. The run will be at Tagore Road with on-on at Happy Kampong - see next www for details.
Now it’s time for Hare Whip and # 1 Chili Balls calls in Comes Quietly, Bagless and Count Dracula over bad manners, and wants the Circle to judge which is the worst. They’re all equally bad it seems, so the whole lot gets a D-D. Here’s to rotters, they’re true blue...” Then it’s Bagless’ turn, and he wants to put senior hashers Airborne & Impossible in the stocks over their attitude to hares’ short cut advice. Seems old men like to find their own way...”They ought to be publically...”.
GMs wants to thank the UK for a nice lot of scandals that take the heat off the US and it’s Trumpy PR problems. Boris Johnson grabs the headlines, cavorting with a much younger mistress, and does anyone know how many children he has? He doesn’t, apparently, but thanks for the distraction, Brits!
Talking about senior executives reminds GMs that AGM time is rapidly approaching and a fresh new committee is needed. The incentives include a yacht and executive jet (more fake news) and there is the major milestone of the 2000th run coming up in June. Come on, folks, step up and share the joys of ruling Lion City Hash and participation in this worthy cause.
Mystery Whip the First is Butt Wiper...”Where are the late comers? What’s your excuse?” They haven’t any so Durian Dog and Circle Jerk get a D-D. “They’re the meanest...” Then it’s time for BW’s new wife Tight Lips to be pilloried – just married, and what happens – Miss Microsoft gets posted to company HQ in Seattle. “She’s dumb, she’s dumb...”
NowBW wants to dive into US politics, with a look at the race for Democrat presidential candidate. Who’s going to challenge Trump? Not Mike Bloomberg, it seems, after spending half his fortune he’s bailed out, along with 3 other guys. The 2 women candidates Amy Klobacher and Elizabeth Warren get knocked out, leaving only Bernie Sanders to challenge Joe Biden, who eventually claims a landslide. “Let’s have the election now... need a look-alike...let’s have the Americans in”...Stash... too late he’s no more American... none of the US folk look old enough so Count Dracula has to morph into Joe Biden to face off against DT. BW really has it in for the US, and scolds them for watching Coronavirus on TV whilst not realising that Apple is the gateway to Asia... ”They ought to be....”