Circle Report - Run 1867
19th Annual New Year Recovery Run
Date: Friday 5th Jan 2018
Run Site: Jalan Lam Sam
On-on: Red Lantern
Hares: Poser, Astronut & Stash
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 51 of which 41 Members (F 19 & M 22)
Virgins: Not this week
Visitors & Returnees: 10 (M 7, F 3)
Milestones: First run of the year 2018.
Next Week’s Hares: Ditch & Sweet Thighs
Run Site: MOE Adventure Centre, Dairy Farm Rd
On-On: Red Lantern
Circle Scribe: Airborne Photos: Count Dracula
Seems like there were a lot of hangovers after the New Year partying: this gave us a very good turnout for the annual Make the Body Fit Again run – no less than 41 members and a goodly blessing of visitors too. Or maybe it was just the lure of a good run in one of the last remaining bits of forest in our small island?
The Hares did not disappoint, though some visually challenged FRBs managed to short-circuit what should have been 7.9km down to 5. There was, too, another attraction for locals, who didn’t take the run too seriously…see later.
Stand-in GM Cherry Picker & GMs Stick Her Shock kicked off with an instant D-D awarded by the Circle for starting 2 minutes ahead of schedule at 7.58. “Here’s to knee-jerkers they’re true blue…”. In came the Hares, led by Astronut, and the usual “Too much…, not enough…” amplified by the blustering of the lost FRBs, but nothing serious, so it was “GOOD RUN” and “Here’s to hares, they’re true blue..”
On in Visitors & Returnees, the usual suspects plus, appropriately for the season, Returnee Durian Dog, escaping from his parental duties. The others were Hidden Asset, Mata Hari, Tight Lips, Dead Fish, Dripping Bush, Sperm off Ice, Telecum, Whip Me Houston, Words Fail Me “Why were they born so beautiful…”
When the Hare Whip was called in, Astronut straightaway got his teeth into the short cutters. “How many of you actually ran the full 7.9km?” In came Awesome Foursome, Chicken Sh*t, Comes Quietly, Corny Linguist, and Dead Fish all having arrived well after the rest of the pack, but, they claimed, on paper.
The FRBs, were led astray by Sperm Off Ice…who was carolled by the Circle to the tune of “He’s the meanest, he sucks…” Hare Whip noted some of the pack felt it necessary to demonstrate super-butch short-cutting, wading navel-deep through a stream when there was a dry path within a few paces. Rooning Sh*t & Totally Unacceptablewere the ubermenschen…The charge was compounded by Circle Jerk who added: lack of consideration for the statured challenged – Coo Chi Coo, not navel but nipple.
As the Hare Whip went to leave the Circle, Cherry Picker called him back for wearing the wrong T-shirt, the 800-Run boasting shirt, not the proper New Year Recovery one. “I forgot…” was the lame excuse.
Time for the bearer of TOTW to hand over the reins of power… Strapless had to decide which of two candidates should receive the award – both had run far past the trail when it turned right or left, Sperm Off Ice 1km back or Telecum who ran ½ km forward. Strapless made fun of the gweilos, running after the trail, whilst the locals gutted themselves on windfall durians. Telecum won on points, but there was a technical challenge later as the Circle was moving to on-on – The Shirt should be worn by a member. So the shirt goes without a wearer for a week.
Mystery Whip, after several impostors had walked in and out, turned out to be Running Sh*t who called in all the Americans to celebrate the achievements of POTUS’ first year in office. Uncle Sam was represented by Ditch, Stash, 8.24 and Stick Her Shock. The said office claimed success since there had been no accident in civil aviation for the year 2017. Actually there had been no recorded accidents in 2014, 2015 and 2016 either. Likewise, economic growth was also credited to DT, but US GDP was actually growing faster in the final months of Obama’s office. The war of words between DT and Kim Jong Un kept us all in suspense, so things can only get better…”He’s the meanest…”
Charge No 2 got RS a D-D for claiming to be a normal FRB “Bullsh*t, bullsh*t…” whilst Astronut andComes Quietly were turning into hash walkers. The explanation of this was lost in the diversion caused by Deputy GMs wobbling into the Circle in a pair of extremely high and expensive-looking, gilt F* Me shoes. This moved the agenda on to the next item…
Mystery Mystery Whip Count Dracula who said it’s become normal for people to disappear from the hash trail but this week the number was unusual. The season was the reason.. durians again. Sharon Batu & Iron Crotch were called in, to be joined by Blur like Sotong, Durian Dog and Strapless. “Here’s to the durian chasers, they’re true blue…”
AOB: Circle Jerk called in Stick Her Shock and Coo Chi Coo. “I’ve seen things out on the trail you wouldn’t believe”, he said. This turned out to be FRB CCC being helped up a slope with a push at the nether regions by SHS who earlier was grumbling about vertigo. “Here’s to the amazing couple, they’re true blue…”
AOBfrom Ditch calling in Blur like Sotong for a close encounter with a falling durian, which missed him by inches. “Here’s to the lucky one…”
Then a charge on Running Sh*t for being the ultimate short cutter … no surprise, that, but one from: Totally Unacceptablewho informed us that a judicial ruling had established that the term molest only applied to females. So if you want to do a Crocodile Dundee test on your gay boy-friend, or an up skirt video on a Scotsman, it’s OK. “B-I-M-B-O…”
Observant readers will have noticed that we’ve got this far down the report without calling in Next Week’s Hare …The careless stand-in GMs having suffered a senior moment, it was left to Ditch, in his usual self-effacing way, to remind people how to get to the MOE Outdoor Adventure Learning Centre at Dairy Farm (actually a short walk from Hillview station SMRT – BTW should we now leave out the “R”? ).
Final AOB from Circle Jerk being a plug for the SK9 Hash was quickly shouted down and the Circle moved to on-on-on at 8.45pm.
19th Annual New Year Recovery Run 1867
Friday 5th Jan 2018 @ Jalan Lam Sam
Hares: Poser, Astronut & Stash
Run Scribe: Astronut
It was 6 PM and 40+ hashers awaited the start of the run with a few wondering about the whereabouts of the hares. They were still out setting the run but had sent a message to inform the pack the trail was marked with white toilet paper and/or shredded paper. “OnOn” was behind the locked gate at the entrance to the military area then off to the left through a relatively newly cultivated (illegal) vegetable farm with irrigation ponds, up a few steps through undergrowth out onto a road and back to Jalan Lam Sam.
After a few hundred meters trail turned left up a short incline and then down into the first bit of shiggy on a trail formed by a bulldozer or excavator -- then out to the right on a road leading to the first T-check. Tail-enders discovered the trail back in off the shiggy where Totally Unacceptable and Running Shit were duped into an unnecessary short (2m) water crossing which had them up over their navels in water. Ditch showed the smarter hashers that by going a few meters to the left there was no need to get wet!
Trail continued through a bit of brush and long grass past a military training shed and then out and left on Jalan Lam Sam (again) to a Tcheck.
Trail was back and left up a steep and slippery hill where a few hashers managed to upset hornets/wasps which took their revenge on the followers. Worst off seemed to be Hidden Asset who recorded 10-12 stings. The fearless carried on along the ridge then down the other side through runnable light brush to an old tarmac road leading to the 3rd T-check.
Trail was back and down another muddy track created by an excavator assisting with soil testing. The run was now entering durian country. The hares had not warned hashers to bring helmets but fortunately nobody was hit by a falling durian! After a little water crossing, trail continued on a ‘durian path’ up a slight incline to another road and a circle check.
There were several opportunities for the run to take but it wandered down another durian trail about 20 metres away from the check to another check in a grassy field about 250m from the last one. Trail was back then up a 3m slippery slope. It then meandered through the forest hitting part of the Scorpio Run trail from November. It popped out onto a narrow tarmac road for a few hundred meters and hit a T-check.
There were numerous possibilities for the trail on both sides of the road. For unknown reasons several of the frontrunners ran all the way back to where trail had emerged from the forest. By this time Strapless, Blur Like Sotong and others were squatted on the road enjoying their durians and watching in bewilderment. After hitting a T-junction the frontrunners turned left and found the in-trail, thereby missing the correct trail which started only about 20m from the T-check.
The majority of the pack missed another runnable durian trail which led out to a circle check on a road. A left turn here would have led hashers to the PIE so trail had to be to the right. After several hundred meters the trail turned left into the last of semi-shiggy terrain and then out to a drainage canal parallel to the KJE and “OnOn” home.
Telecumand Sperm Off Ice were the first in at about 6:55. This indicated to the hares something had clearly gone wrong as it was unlikely they’d done the full 7.9 km trail in 55 minutes! They had indeed only clocked about 5km. However, there were five persistent hashers who managed to break the last few checks and complete the full trail. Congratulations to Awesome Foursome, Chicken Shit, Comes Quietly,Corny Linguist and Dead Fish!
Verdict: Best run of the year…. well only run of the new year, so far _.